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| Till that gate drops, these are my takes. |
I had this theory that Major League Soccer’s Week 9 churned out a bunch of surprises - most them 1-2 reversals for the home team. On checking back to the preview thread I posted…shit, Saturday morning(? things continue to run together post-COVID; turns out it was middle-age all along), things played out close enough to as expected.
In the interest of time, yours and mine, I decided to tighten the format this weekend. I’ll be keeping the Heaven, Purgatory, Hell formula to organize the teams (aka, The Divine Comedy Rankings), only Purgatory will just be Purgatory - i.e., the place in between - with no distinction between the teams rising and falling. The results helped with that, for what it’s worth.
Speaking of which, I’ve moved (most of) the commentary on the individual teams in the notes on each result and to dropped the Divine Comedy Rankings at the end. In other words, what I write about the results should speak to the placement of each team. All the results from MLS Week 9 below are bolded, but I put the ones I gave a longer look in italics, as always, I linked to The Mothership’s game summary home page in each final score. Oh, and the asterisk on the signals a result I didn’t expect. I didn’t have time to dig into any as I’d like [Ed. - I’m moving to a Thursday bowling league in three weeks, so that should help], but…I mean, I expected the result, so what was there to see?
Fine. I did some poking around. Off to it…
Houston Dynamo FC 1-2 Austin FC
This one I would have watched, but the rat bastards at ESPN have this thing about not broadcasting Austin games. It started with a terrible fuck-up/exquisite goal, but played out the way all Dynamo FC games, if only in my mind - i.e., they score force and then watch the opposition slowly draw back either one or three points. That stats point to the opposite of a free-for-all, so file that away. Ausitn is doing well, obviously, though I’ll call that goals-for stat a lie until they tie me to a chair and put an apparatus that lets mice to nibble at my face over my head. Also, this (this is from Matt Doyle’s Week 9 review, as some other things will be):
“Their highs were really high and their lows were really low. What it came down to was that against some of the poorer, less defensively disciplined teams in the league, that ability to use the ball sometimes made the Verde look like an irresistible force. Make bad teams chase, open up new gaps in the process, then hit those gaps. Rinse, repeat, win. Austin showed a good chunk of that last year.”
Also:
“But now the other shoe is about to drop, and that theory is going to get stress tested against the other half of the table. Seven of Austin’s next 10 games are on the road, and eight of those 10 are against teams that I’m pretty sure are either very good, or very talented, or both.”
My soft spot for Houston takes another blow…
Toronto FC 1-2 FC Cincinnati* (my extended, hale and hearty notes)
Won’t lie. I expected more from Toronto and/or a Cincinnati loss. I already flogged this to death in the post linked to above, but my upshot take-away is this: I expect Toronto to bounce back from this - in general, if not on Wednesday (should be good game) - but, to paraphrase the title of my notes on the same: I Have Seen [FC Cincy’s] Product, And I’d Like to Purchase It. The early returns have convinced me (or let me talk myself into believing) they’ll dodge the wooden spoon this season. Doyle floated this in his review:
“This is not just getting a lucky, scrappy run – Cincy are, if anything, underperforming in the win column. Their xG differential is 9th in the league as per TruMedia via StatsPerform, while American Soccer Analysis’ Goals Added metric has them 10th. Cincy are playing well, and have managed as much while juggling injury absences and a new formation.”
And that means the floor some other Eastern Conference teams used to rely on might not be there at the end of 2022.
Real Salt Lake 1-0 Los Angeles Galaxy*
Looks pretty cagey by the numbers, but my only real take-away is, good for RSL.
Club du Foot Montreal 2-1 Atlanta United FC
The Mothership actually posted an MLS in 15 for this one, enjoy. If you watch that, you’ll see Kamal Miller had himself a game (lovely assist through a double-team for Montreal’s second goal), but also a lot of Atlanta. Thiago Almada looked pretty fucking good - e.g., finding seams, doing useful things (he’s fun) - and Ronaldo Cisneros (so new they don’t have pic for him) looked useful too (if as a forward most comfortable facing forward), but Montreal’s Sebastian Breza got one his big ol’ birdwings on everything that got through. Atlanta looked shinier, but their glass jaw caught the sunlight just as well. The win elevates Montreal to “real people” territory and, based on what’s ahead, I’d call them a decent bet to pick up somewhere around half the points on offer through the end of June. Though largely identify-free at this point (i.e., anonymous), Atlanta have lost their last four road games. So, good news for them, they’ve got four of the next five at home. I’d call less than…six points out of that stretch (v CHI, v NE, v CLB, v MIA, with @NSH in the middle) a clear case for damnation.
In the interest of time, yours and mine, I decided to tighten the format this weekend. I’ll be keeping the Heaven, Purgatory, Hell formula to organize the teams (aka, The Divine Comedy Rankings), only Purgatory will just be Purgatory - i.e., the place in between - with no distinction between the teams rising and falling. The results helped with that, for what it’s worth.
Speaking of which, I’ve moved (most of) the commentary on the individual teams in the notes on each result and to dropped the Divine Comedy Rankings at the end. In other words, what I write about the results should speak to the placement of each team. All the results from MLS Week 9 below are bolded, but I put the ones I gave a longer look in italics, as always, I linked to The Mothership’s game summary home page in each final score. Oh, and the asterisk on the signals a result I didn’t expect. I didn’t have time to dig into any as I’d like [Ed. - I’m moving to a Thursday bowling league in three weeks, so that should help], but…I mean, I expected the result, so what was there to see?
Fine. I did some poking around. Off to it…
Houston Dynamo FC 1-2 Austin FC
This one I would have watched, but the rat bastards at ESPN have this thing about not broadcasting Austin games. It started with a terrible fuck-up/exquisite goal, but played out the way all Dynamo FC games, if only in my mind - i.e., they score force and then watch the opposition slowly draw back either one or three points. That stats point to the opposite of a free-for-all, so file that away. Ausitn is doing well, obviously, though I’ll call that goals-for stat a lie until they tie me to a chair and put an apparatus that lets mice to nibble at my face over my head. Also, this (this is from Matt Doyle’s Week 9 review, as some other things will be):
“Their highs were really high and their lows were really low. What it came down to was that against some of the poorer, less defensively disciplined teams in the league, that ability to use the ball sometimes made the Verde look like an irresistible force. Make bad teams chase, open up new gaps in the process, then hit those gaps. Rinse, repeat, win. Austin showed a good chunk of that last year.”
Also:
“But now the other shoe is about to drop, and that theory is going to get stress tested against the other half of the table. Seven of Austin’s next 10 games are on the road, and eight of those 10 are against teams that I’m pretty sure are either very good, or very talented, or both.”
My soft spot for Houston takes another blow…
Toronto FC 1-2 FC Cincinnati* (my extended, hale and hearty notes)
Won’t lie. I expected more from Toronto and/or a Cincinnati loss. I already flogged this to death in the post linked to above, but my upshot take-away is this: I expect Toronto to bounce back from this - in general, if not on Wednesday (should be good game) - but, to paraphrase the title of my notes on the same: I Have Seen [FC Cincy’s] Product, And I’d Like to Purchase It. The early returns have convinced me (or let me talk myself into believing) they’ll dodge the wooden spoon this season. Doyle floated this in his review:
“This is not just getting a lucky, scrappy run – Cincy are, if anything, underperforming in the win column. Their xG differential is 9th in the league as per TruMedia via StatsPerform, while American Soccer Analysis’ Goals Added metric has them 10th. Cincy are playing well, and have managed as much while juggling injury absences and a new formation.”
And that means the floor some other Eastern Conference teams used to rely on might not be there at the end of 2022.
Real Salt Lake 1-0 Los Angeles Galaxy*
Looks pretty cagey by the numbers, but my only real take-away is, good for RSL.
Club du Foot Montreal 2-1 Atlanta United FC
The Mothership actually posted an MLS in 15 for this one, enjoy. If you watch that, you’ll see Kamal Miller had himself a game (lovely assist through a double-team for Montreal’s second goal), but also a lot of Atlanta. Thiago Almada looked pretty fucking good - e.g., finding seams, doing useful things (he’s fun) - and Ronaldo Cisneros (so new they don’t have pic for him) looked useful too (if as a forward most comfortable facing forward), but Montreal’s Sebastian Breza got one his big ol’ birdwings on everything that got through. Atlanta looked shinier, but their glass jaw caught the sunlight just as well. The win elevates Montreal to “real people” territory and, based on what’s ahead, I’d call them a decent bet to pick up somewhere around half the points on offer through the end of June. Though largely identify-free at this point (i.e., anonymous), Atlanta have lost their last four road games. So, good news for them, they’ve got four of the next five at home. I’d call less than…six points out of that stretch (v CHI, v NE, v CLB, v MIA, with @NSH in the middle) a clear case for damnation.
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| D'oh. |
Columbus Crew SC 3-0 DC United
[Viewing Windows: 20th minute to the 40th, then the 67th to the 80th.]
This game fell into the “Battle of the Middling” group in my preview, but I’m glad I took the time on this one. First, this game made a great case for the benefits of watching chunks of games, even more than the MLS in 15s, as much as I love them. For example, the color commentator on this game (is it Jordan Angeli? Whoever it is, she fucking rocks; well above average in the business), alerted me as to how DC contained Columbus for the opening 20 minutes (“trapped them on the right side”) and, after I tuned in at the 67th minute, I heard that Tony Alfaro described as “an extinguisher several times this half.” The Crew went up on a Pedro Santos free kick (shitty wall, btw), and Josh Williams showed off his finesse on the long-ball on the second, but Columbus had DC in the blender for that 67-80 dip noted above. The cake was baked and iced before Darlington Nagbe…lit the candles(? anyway, hell of a goal) by the time he scored it. Can Columbus keep it up? Looks unlikely. I just heard about their proud history of stepping on rakes anytime they leave Columbus (why did the bouncing ball from The Prisoner just come to me?), and they’ve got five of their next seven on the road (@ NE, @NYC, v LAFC, @ ATL, v CLT, @ RSL, @ TFC), and even the games at home don’t look easy. As for DC, this was why the “new coach bounce” chatter after last week (real or projected) got under my fingernails. They’d lost four straights games - three of ‘em at home - before beating a fragile New England Revolution. I see the talent on the team - though Columbus has more - but it ain’t working. Ooh, one more thing. Doyle’s review had this note on Columbus:
“With Lucas Zelarayan not fit to start the Crew played out of a 4-3-3 with Artur at the back point and Darlington Nagbe and Aidan Morris further forward as dual No. 8s. As a result they played a little quicker and more direct, hitting fewer switches of play. I’m not sure that will be a permanent thing, but it worked in this one.”
Bottom line: Columbus looked pretty good in this one, also DC sucks. Takeaways that talk past one another.
New England Revolution 2-0 Inter Miami CF
Miami’s two red cards matter (yikes!), but this doesn’t tell me much about either team. Had the Revs lost, absolutely, but beating Miami at home (and the copy I’ve read has praised the Revs’ performance) counts as the bare minimum for any team with a shot. After the red cards, the biggest news out of this one would be Miami’s Leo Campana limped off early, followed minutes later by (defender) Aime Mabika. Campana’s doesn’t sound like a long-term thing - “muscle tightness” they said - but I don’t know his history. He’d kept them afloat for a few…
Orlando City SC 2-1 Charlotte FC
Yeah, I should have watched this one - especially now that I’ve peeped the box score - but this was the kind of game I expected would drag Charlotte back down to Earth…then again, that could just be a shitty road record (0-5-1 on the road). They have a soft home stretch ahead - v MIA, v MTL, v VAN - and a good team gets six points out of that, and all that follows therefrom. As for Orlando, now feels like a good time to admit I jumped the gun a little by dangling them over the pit, but I never called them fallen. Labored as they are (imagine eternal foreplay), they have five wins and, so long as they’re keeping up with Philly and the Red Bulls, well, you can’t call those two good teams without lumping Orlando in the same group - especially seeing that they’ve kept up even after dropping three games at home (v CIN, v LAFC, and, hey, v RBNY). Maddening, yet competitive sums it up nicely.
Chicago Fire FC 1-2 Red Bull New York
[Viewing Windows: 8th through the 25th, then 70th through the 90th.]
“Really spirited game from both sides, so far.”
Shit. Italics on both of those doesn't work. Next time. At any raate, that quote came from the broadcast booth, but teams have to match the Red Bulls’ fast-zombie intensity or perish. My first note on this game - and this came, at most five minutes after tuning in - I would fucking hate to game-plan against energy-drink soccer. What’s there to say, but “do whatever you’re gonna do quickly”? To their credit, Chicago managed the zombie hordes well enough over both the windows I watched, but that’s the trick to playing Red Bull: they rarely look likely to score until they do it, i.e., they are the jump-scene of MLS. As for the game, Chicago took the lead on a penalty kick (good call, fwiw), but, as zombies do, Red Bull just wore them down, another case of victory by attrition. New Jersey equalized before Chicago lost two players to second yellow cards - smart l’il goal, too - and, for the record, the broadcast booth got pissy about Jhon Duran’s, while even Rafael Czichos knew he’d get sent off. The Red Bulls played their game - a nugget from someone in the broadcast booth, “we talk about possession, and Red Bull have had less than 40% of possession in all their wins. But Red Bull have very much dominated tonight” - and the Red Bulls now have five straight wins on the road. I’m betting that ends on their next road game (at Philly, two weeks out), but I like their chances of punching some points out of their next home games (v POR, v CHI, v DC, v TFC). Again, if they don’t…
Sporting Kansas City 2-2 FC Dallas
On paper, it looks like SKC had a decent game (e.g., I routinely see half that for xG). At the same time, numbers stopped translating for them for long enough that I’ve got an excuse to ignore them…though they are coming to Portland in two weeks. Keep sucking, please and thank you. Dallas, meanwhile, is fine, even if Dallas fans are about to meet who I have to assume is the toddler who plays behind Brandon Servania (red card). Just tell me he’s past the breaking voice thing….
Colorado Rapids 2-0 Portland Timbers (my extended, embittered notes)
The trauma of all the hours the Timbers handed Mark-Anthony Kaye to tee up the final humiliation aside, my main takeaway from this game is Timbers can’t score. And Colorado is one point ahead of them. Next…
New York City FC 3-0 San Jose Earthquakes
San Jose held on for nearly 75 minutes. Isn’t that nice? Also, this:
“The Pigeons have now won three straight, scoring 14 goals in that span.”
Related, when I fail to mention who any given team plays against in any future game, that’s my way of saying I don’t think it matters. Note that where you see it above and below.
Nashville SC 1-1 Philadelphia Union
I got a five minute glimpse of the new stadium through the TV. It looks nice!
I didn’t watch this one (I got bowling!), but probably should have. I would have bet on a draw between these two teams 8 out of 10 times, regardless of venue - if with a little cushion in the odds against - but Nashville posted enough good numbers to make me regret. That said, this was against Philly, aka, the sturdiest damn team in MLS (just six goals allowed in nine games, and 2-1-1 on the road to boot). Again, this was a helluva homecoming for Nashville. Fans should have a better sense of where they fit by the end of June.
Los Angeles FC 2-0 Minnesota United FC
Another game I would have watched had the damn TV rights not conspired to thwart it (also, walk me through the logic of posting an MLS in 15 on a shitty game every week), but I saw images where the two teams parted ways on XG, and at a sprint, on twitter all day. Even one point for Minnesota would have impressed me. They fact they didn’t should get to rest of the Western Conference cracking on how to beat LAFC.
That’s it, though, even if going into Week 9, I expected to have more positives on Bob Bradley’s coaching than Steve Cherundolo. I haven’t seen a lot of chatter on this yet, but the Coach of the Year race shows real promise this season.
Well, that’s that. Time for the Divine Comedy Rankings.
Heaven (aka, Comfortably Project to Playoffs)
Philadelphia Union, Los Angeles FC, Seattle Sounders, Orlando City SC, New York City FC, Los Angeles Galaxy, Nashville SC, Minnesota United FC, Red Bull New York
Purgatory (Pending, aka, Need to Work Out Some Sins…Fail to)
Club du Foot Montreal, Toronto FC, FC Dallas, Austin FC, Charlotte FC, Houston Dynamo, Atlanta United FC, Columbus Crew SC, Real Salt Lake, Portland Timbers, New England Revolution, Colorado Rapids, FC Cincinnati
Addendum: For what it’s worth, I’d call Dallas closest to going up. They’ve got some tough ones ahead (v SEA, @ LAG, @ VAN, v MIN, @ ORL, v VAN), but I’ll ascend them into Heaven on anything better than seven points.
Hell (aka, The Gift of Repeated Failing)
DC United, Inter Miami CF, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, San Jose Earthquakes, Chicago Fire FC, Sporting Kansas City
[Viewing Windows: 20th minute to the 40th, then the 67th to the 80th.]
This game fell into the “Battle of the Middling” group in my preview, but I’m glad I took the time on this one. First, this game made a great case for the benefits of watching chunks of games, even more than the MLS in 15s, as much as I love them. For example, the color commentator on this game (is it Jordan Angeli? Whoever it is, she fucking rocks; well above average in the business), alerted me as to how DC contained Columbus for the opening 20 minutes (“trapped them on the right side”) and, after I tuned in at the 67th minute, I heard that Tony Alfaro described as “an extinguisher several times this half.” The Crew went up on a Pedro Santos free kick (shitty wall, btw), and Josh Williams showed off his finesse on the long-ball on the second, but Columbus had DC in the blender for that 67-80 dip noted above. The cake was baked and iced before Darlington Nagbe…lit the candles(? anyway, hell of a goal) by the time he scored it. Can Columbus keep it up? Looks unlikely. I just heard about their proud history of stepping on rakes anytime they leave Columbus (why did the bouncing ball from The Prisoner just come to me?), and they’ve got five of their next seven on the road (@ NE, @NYC, v LAFC, @ ATL, v CLT, @ RSL, @ TFC), and even the games at home don’t look easy. As for DC, this was why the “new coach bounce” chatter after last week (real or projected) got under my fingernails. They’d lost four straights games - three of ‘em at home - before beating a fragile New England Revolution. I see the talent on the team - though Columbus has more - but it ain’t working. Ooh, one more thing. Doyle’s review had this note on Columbus:
“With Lucas Zelarayan not fit to start the Crew played out of a 4-3-3 with Artur at the back point and Darlington Nagbe and Aidan Morris further forward as dual No. 8s. As a result they played a little quicker and more direct, hitting fewer switches of play. I’m not sure that will be a permanent thing, but it worked in this one.”
Bottom line: Columbus looked pretty good in this one, also DC sucks. Takeaways that talk past one another.
New England Revolution 2-0 Inter Miami CF
Miami’s two red cards matter (yikes!), but this doesn’t tell me much about either team. Had the Revs lost, absolutely, but beating Miami at home (and the copy I’ve read has praised the Revs’ performance) counts as the bare minimum for any team with a shot. After the red cards, the biggest news out of this one would be Miami’s Leo Campana limped off early, followed minutes later by (defender) Aime Mabika. Campana’s doesn’t sound like a long-term thing - “muscle tightness” they said - but I don’t know his history. He’d kept them afloat for a few…
Orlando City SC 2-1 Charlotte FC
Yeah, I should have watched this one - especially now that I’ve peeped the box score - but this was the kind of game I expected would drag Charlotte back down to Earth…then again, that could just be a shitty road record (0-5-1 on the road). They have a soft home stretch ahead - v MIA, v MTL, v VAN - and a good team gets six points out of that, and all that follows therefrom. As for Orlando, now feels like a good time to admit I jumped the gun a little by dangling them over the pit, but I never called them fallen. Labored as they are (imagine eternal foreplay), they have five wins and, so long as they’re keeping up with Philly and the Red Bulls, well, you can’t call those two good teams without lumping Orlando in the same group - especially seeing that they’ve kept up even after dropping three games at home (v CIN, v LAFC, and, hey, v RBNY). Maddening, yet competitive sums it up nicely.
Chicago Fire FC 1-2 Red Bull New York
[Viewing Windows: 8th through the 25th, then 70th through the 90th.]
“Really spirited game from both sides, so far.”
Shit. Italics on both of those doesn't work. Next time. At any raate, that quote came from the broadcast booth, but teams have to match the Red Bulls’ fast-zombie intensity or perish. My first note on this game - and this came, at most five minutes after tuning in - I would fucking hate to game-plan against energy-drink soccer. What’s there to say, but “do whatever you’re gonna do quickly”? To their credit, Chicago managed the zombie hordes well enough over both the windows I watched, but that’s the trick to playing Red Bull: they rarely look likely to score until they do it, i.e., they are the jump-scene of MLS. As for the game, Chicago took the lead on a penalty kick (good call, fwiw), but, as zombies do, Red Bull just wore them down, another case of victory by attrition. New Jersey equalized before Chicago lost two players to second yellow cards - smart l’il goal, too - and, for the record, the broadcast booth got pissy about Jhon Duran’s, while even Rafael Czichos knew he’d get sent off. The Red Bulls played their game - a nugget from someone in the broadcast booth, “we talk about possession, and Red Bull have had less than 40% of possession in all their wins. But Red Bull have very much dominated tonight” - and the Red Bulls now have five straight wins on the road. I’m betting that ends on their next road game (at Philly, two weeks out), but I like their chances of punching some points out of their next home games (v POR, v CHI, v DC, v TFC). Again, if they don’t…
Sporting Kansas City 2-2 FC Dallas
On paper, it looks like SKC had a decent game (e.g., I routinely see half that for xG). At the same time, numbers stopped translating for them for long enough that I’ve got an excuse to ignore them…though they are coming to Portland in two weeks. Keep sucking, please and thank you. Dallas, meanwhile, is fine, even if Dallas fans are about to meet who I have to assume is the toddler who plays behind Brandon Servania (red card). Just tell me he’s past the breaking voice thing….
Colorado Rapids 2-0 Portland Timbers (my extended, embittered notes)
The trauma of all the hours the Timbers handed Mark-Anthony Kaye to tee up the final humiliation aside, my main takeaway from this game is Timbers can’t score. And Colorado is one point ahead of them. Next…
New York City FC 3-0 San Jose Earthquakes
San Jose held on for nearly 75 minutes. Isn’t that nice? Also, this:
“The Pigeons have now won three straight, scoring 14 goals in that span.”
Related, when I fail to mention who any given team plays against in any future game, that’s my way of saying I don’t think it matters. Note that where you see it above and below.
Nashville SC 1-1 Philadelphia Union
I got a five minute glimpse of the new stadium through the TV. It looks nice!
I didn’t watch this one (I got bowling!), but probably should have. I would have bet on a draw between these two teams 8 out of 10 times, regardless of venue - if with a little cushion in the odds against - but Nashville posted enough good numbers to make me regret. That said, this was against Philly, aka, the sturdiest damn team in MLS (just six goals allowed in nine games, and 2-1-1 on the road to boot). Again, this was a helluva homecoming for Nashville. Fans should have a better sense of where they fit by the end of June.
Los Angeles FC 2-0 Minnesota United FC
Another game I would have watched had the damn TV rights not conspired to thwart it (also, walk me through the logic of posting an MLS in 15 on a shitty game every week), but I saw images where the two teams parted ways on XG, and at a sprint, on twitter all day. Even one point for Minnesota would have impressed me. They fact they didn’t should get to rest of the Western Conference cracking on how to beat LAFC.
That’s it, though, even if going into Week 9, I expected to have more positives on Bob Bradley’s coaching than Steve Cherundolo. I haven’t seen a lot of chatter on this yet, but the Coach of the Year race shows real promise this season.
Well, that’s that. Time for the Divine Comedy Rankings.
Heaven (aka, Comfortably Project to Playoffs)
Philadelphia Union, Los Angeles FC, Seattle Sounders, Orlando City SC, New York City FC, Los Angeles Galaxy, Nashville SC, Minnesota United FC, Red Bull New York
Purgatory (Pending, aka, Need to Work Out Some Sins…Fail to)
Club du Foot Montreal, Toronto FC, FC Dallas, Austin FC, Charlotte FC, Houston Dynamo, Atlanta United FC, Columbus Crew SC, Real Salt Lake, Portland Timbers, New England Revolution, Colorado Rapids, FC Cincinnati
Addendum: For what it’s worth, I’d call Dallas closest to going up. They’ve got some tough ones ahead (v SEA, @ LAG, @ VAN, v MIN, @ ORL, v VAN), but I’ll ascend them into Heaven on anything better than seven points.
Hell (aka, The Gift of Repeated Failing)
DC United, Inter Miami CF, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, San Jose Earthquakes, Chicago Fire FC, Sporting Kansas City
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