Los Angeles FC 3-2 Portland Timbers: A Long Journey to Nowhere and No Points

Up next, an endless lecture on wormholes...

Well, if that game didn’t barf up talking points like a frat boy sailing three sheets into the wind…

The answer to the question where to begin starts at the end of the first half with the Portland Timbers crawling into an 0-2 hole right ahead of the whistle. The entire half had…more or less sucked, but the Timbers had held on to where the optimistic sort could see them keeping things goal-less and having time to reorganize – particularly on the right side of defense where Juan David Mosquera faced acres of space to manage and a rampant Denis Bouanga to contain. Very much related, Los Angeles FC scored its first goal on the dozenth-plus time Bouanga got loose over there and cut a lethal ball across the area that slid well beyond the tips of Maxime Crepeau’s otherwise excellent fingers. When Portland’s Kamal Miller slid to meet it, he hedged the angle a couple dozen degrees inside and that put LAFC 1-0 up.

There’s nothing to do after that, of course, but to have all concerned dust themselves off, clear their heads and limit any further damage. Yeah, no, that didn’t happen. And I’m going to make a point here that will no doubt get me down-voted to oblivion on Reddit, but I’ll die on this hill: on the one hand, nearly all of LAFC’s most threatening approaches came from Mosquera’s side; on the other, that was always going to happen and what is the rest of the defense/team for if it isn’t to put out the fires he starts?

As anyone who read the scouting report below knows, I was bullish Portland’s chances in this game, if with terms and conditions. One big one: locking down the space where God, all the angels and everyone else knew they’d attack – i.e., through Denis Bouanga and at the right side of the Timbers defense. So, sure, Mosquera made two games’ worth of gaffes last night, but LAFC does not go into the locker room up 2-0 at halftime if just one other field player comes within a country mile of Timothy Tillman trotting up the middle of the field. With no one but an equally-exposed Crepeau to stop him, Tillman slotted home (only available in the full highlights, apparently) and that’s how Portland wound up in that deep hole. 

The final whistle blew on a 2-3 road loss for the Timbers, their (fer crissakes) seventh game(!) with one or fewer points – and, relevant to the overall situation, they’ve picked up zero points out of the balance of those games and just three (fucking) points from the last 21 on offer. And where can that leave a team but riding shotgun with the dregs of the league.

But, wait! There’s more! So much more! Not all of it good, but – hey! – some of it is!

Los Angeles FC Scouting Report, Hatred, Contempt & Gambling

Better at soccer, honestly...

I couldn’t get myself up for another deep dive into Los Angeles FC. Don't blame me. Blame the twits at Major League Soccer HQ, who forgot the adage about familiarity breeding contempt…

…related, LAFC fans have a lively persecution complex about everyone else in the league giving them short shrift and hating on them generally.

Some Basics
And…hey, it turns out I never actually previewed LAFC due to a mini-vacation earlier this month (#worth it), so may as well lay it all out. They currently sit on at 7th in MLS’s Western Conference on a 3-3-3 record, with a tight goal differential (+1), on the right side of average (11.3) for goals scored (15) and the wrong side of average for goals allowed (14). They boast a decent unbeaten record at home (3-0-2), which is all that matters for now because that’s where the Timbers will play them on Saturday (side note, they’re 0-3-1 on the road, which means Portland (or the ref that day, Rubiel Vazquez) gave them their first road point of 2024).

The Lineup
Head coach Steve Cherundolo lines them up in a 4-3-3 (like this one) as if he cannot do otherwise and the personnel remained stable through every game until last weekend’s draw v Red Bull New York when started Mateusz Bogusz over Eduard Atuesta in midfield for reasons I couldn’t sort out without getting into...lore, I guess. The back four typically features (left to right) Ryan Hollingshead, Aaron Long, (Timbers’ fans prime villain from the last match-up) Jesus Murillo, and Sergi Palencia. The usual midfield line-up has Tim Tillman and Atuesta on either side of famous car tire spokesman, Ilie Sanchez, while the front three has most often seen (again, left to right) Cristian Olivera, Bogusz and Denis Bouanga.

Another change in last week’s lineup: once and former New York City FC defender Maxime Chanot started in Murillo’s stead (I see something about a knock in Ye Olde Unreliable Availability Report) and, for what it’s worth, he looked something like incredible, dude can play, etc.

Getting Reacquainted with Los Angeles FC, aka, the Spoiled Rich Kid that Transferred to Your Public School Under Somewhat Mysterious Circumstances

Still mid-orgasm. Started in 2021.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

With this post, this project arrives at the first team to play in MLS for less than a decade; Los Angeles FC has just six seasons behind them. It also gets to why, for all its shortcomings, the Joy Points Scale (methodology at the bottom of the post*) holds up all right. LAFC has enjoyed as much success as any team in the league over those six seasons. To do the math: they won one Supporters’ Shield, one MLS Cup, plus they made an unsuccessful trip to another Cup (the season just ended, in fact), and they made the playoffs in five seasons of six and, if memory serves, people and pundits read them as a bona fide contender for four of those playoff runs…

…also, what a bunch of assholes.

That’s good enough for them to rank eighth all-time on the janky little scale I concocted for this series – which gets to another truth about the American top-flight – i.e., that somewhere just shy of 20 teams have enjoyed either fleeting success or no success at all. LAFC, meanwhile, doesn’t have a history, not really, hence the temptation to roll Chivas USA into the mix and call it the history of LA's "other team." I dismissed that for the same reason I’m not counting the Miami Fusion as part of Inter Miami CF’s history. Just totally different animals in both cases.

Best Season(s)

A fucking no-brainer, obviously: they won the double in 2022 and capped off the Shield by winning what was arguably the best, wildest MLS Cup in league history (and pour one out for the Philadelphia Union for that loss). I’ve never experienced such a thing with any team I’ve followed in any sport, but imagine it feels like an orgasm after tantric sex.

Long-Term Tendencies

LAFC has a short, proud history of scoring tons of goals. Their 2019 team holds second-place for goals scored in a single season (at 72), but they’ve either been very over or very, very over the average for goals scored in, again, five of their six seasons. They even scored very over the average in the one season they missed the playoffs (2021), but even that’s a little weird given that they had a worse defensive record in MLS’s weirdest season, aka, 2020. Still, and not unlike the team as a whole, LAFC’s defenses have generally been good.

FC Cincinnati Preview: On Beards & Handling a Sharp Object

Yep. Scary.

So, you’ve got the current Supporters’ Shield leaders coming to your place for a visit. How do you prepare? What steps can your team take to make this visit as frustrating and generally unpleasant as possible?

The work of preparing an answer to those questions falls on FC Cincinnati. For what it’s worth, I’d call getting past the idea of Los Angeles FC as somehow invincible a first necessary step. It gets harder from there, unfortunately…

When LAFC beat Sporting Kansas City 3-1 last weekend, they played a certain way, one that looked familiar, but still different in their win over Sporting Kansas City in Week 7, something familiar, but still different, from what they played like when they first joined MLS (think of a man you've known for a long time showing up with (or without) a beard the next time you see him; just work with me). Back then, LAFC deployed what I recall as a “second-wave press” - i.e., they’d keep the forward players high-ish, but without chasing much, but would go after the first ball into midfield like fucking piranhas and then “Red Bull” teams to death - i.e., the two-to-four-pass-then-goal/miss/corner attack - after the turnover. It was a spin on Red Bull New York’s gegen-press and relentless described it well.

The “relentless” essence hasn’t changed, but where and how it happens has. For one, new coach Steve Cherundolo has dialed back the defensive posture from “hunt” to “step” - i.e., they pressure the ball, only more with emphasis on creating conditions for turnovers than actively forcing them (for what it’s worth, I’d argue this shift started under Bob Bradley). While this has changed where the attack starts (e.g., deeper), it hasn’t rewired its fundamental impulses. LAFC under Cherundolo still gets the ball forward quickly and keep pushing forward once they get it up there; these forays either succeed or fail in short order, but they also have the cumulative effect of steady, targeted probing. I even saw this in their loss to the Los Angeles Galaxy. To lift a phrase out of the MLS Weakly for Week 7:

“[LAFC] hardly played SKC off the pitch - and the numbers back that up - but they played with…I guess I’d call it persistence. LAFC gets hold of the ball and just keeps probing, Kwadwo Opoku from one side, Latif Blessing from another, like a series of small fires. Ismael Tajouri-Shradi’s wunder-goal drew most of the attention, but I see Jose Cifuentes’ insurance goal as the real payoff for all that work.”

Los Angeles FC 1-1 Portland Timbers: Poised on a Thread

Zac McGraw made me feel as safe as that tree tonight. Srsly.

But for a tap-in that only looked inevitable after it went in, the Portland Timbers would have left…whatever Los Angeles FC calls their home stadium 1-0 winners. Seeing as the exception has already been noted, yeah, LAFC scored a late equalizer - off a tap-in - and wound up with a 1-1 tie that feels…I’m going with complicated.

There was a lot to like in this game from Portland’s point of view. For one, they held a (fairly) front-footed, compact shape together for 90+ minutes today - and how often do Timbers fans get to say, “our defense won it for us today!” Portland’s one-man strategic reserve, Bill Tuiloma, played a role, as did Aljaz Ivacic - he looked confident today and made at least two beauty saves - but if Zac McGraw didn’t make at least one starter feel antsy tonight, they didn’t watch the game I did. Athletic, smooth, but smart more than anything else: Gio appeared to have tasked McGraw with putting out fires before they could ignite and the man got his Smokey Bear on straight.

Claudio Bravo looked super-sharp, at least until he took a dumb-shit tug on LAFC's Cristian Arango and got sent off…Josecarlos Van Rankin, meanwhile...I don’t know what that guy can do to make me comfortable but, whatever it is, he has yet to start doing it. I tell you, the guy looks as nervous as I feel every time an attacking player squares him up.

The returns diminish as I tick through the names from there. There’s no taking away the divine improv-glory of Yimmi Chara’s blind-looper of a goal, but the game-state ran him down to where he couldn’t find a pass. That left Dairon Asprilla as the only viable outlet for about 65+ minutes, but he got lonelier and lonelier for as long as (most of) the starting unit stayed out there; he got some more chances to run after Sebastian Blanco came on for Jaroslaw Niezgoda (who had moments, but…), but even that only happened after LAFC stepped to the edge of all-in to find a goal. Back on the happy side of things, I thought Cristhian Paredes put in a solid shift (while still believing he got subbed just in time), and Diego Chara just keeps on keeping on and in a way that makes me questions all kinds of things. Elsewhere, I’m still wondering whether Santiago Moreno was on the field tonight, or whether he just sat down on the field now and again with a look on his face that said, “can you believe this shit?” out of contractual obligation.

If that feels like putting the cart before the horse, I apologize, but I’m mostly processing this game as an opportunity both unearned and blown. Let me explain…

MLS Weakly 01 16 2021: Player Moves, a SuperDraft, Negotiations & No Firm Schedule

A late-winter/spring of cowboy metaphors...

The phrase “silly season” has made its annual return to the soccer lexicon, but the 2021 North American domestic season doubles down on the term. At time of speculating, nobody knows when the 2021 season will start or what it’ll look like; everyone’s counting on a vaccine to make the whole thing possible, as the fucking moronic distribution of that same vaccine races against one or more new and improved strain of COVID-19 in real-time. Also playing for Team COVID: the naked and belligerent unwillingness among tens of millions of Americans to accept reality and take even baby steps to aid and comfort other Americans.

So, this one’s less a “silly season” than a “really fucking stupid with heaping tablespoons of delusion season," which is considerably harder to navigate and/or understand.

On the other hand, that same fucking stubborn stupidity shares a distant relation to a more positive human trait - hope - and so all concerned will prepare for a 2021 season that will kick off ____________, 2021 and end ____________, 2021 (probably) skipping over one obstacle after another outbreak and so on until The Last Team Standing lifts MLS Cup 2021.

 A whiff of parody will follow these posts for the foreseeable future, and mostly because there’s nothing tangible to write about. Tucked into the notes on the negotiations for a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA; more later) between MLS ownership and the MLS Players’ Association (MLSPA) is the cold, hard fact that no one involved is even talking about opening preseason training, never mind planning for it, which means no preseason games to write about. People have started to talk about whether or not one MLS team or another (e.g., the Portland Timbers) have a shot in 2021’s CONCACAF Champions’ League (CCL), but that competition doesn’t have a start date either, so…

Even qualifying for U-23 soccer tournament in the 2021 Olympics in Tokyo remains “slated to unfold” by the end of March, though there will be friendlies for both the U.S. Men’s National Team (USMNT) and the U.S. Women’s National Team (USWNT) in January, and the USWNT has a whole damn mini-tournament in the second half of February. So, yeah, there is soccer on the horizon, if of a sort not really connected to anything but a vague, hopeful, post-pandemic future…

Los Angeles FC 2-2 Portland Timbers: A Game in Three Acts

Yeah, what the hell? Middle-aged beefcake

I was going to title this post “Real Rocky,” but that was premised on the Portland Timbers losing to Los Angeles FC tonight. After giving it some thought, that only made sense superficially - e.g., maybe Portland’s the underdog (yes, fine, probably), but they’re not shitty players, they weren’t heavies for the mob before getting into soccer, and so on. Also, didn’t the first Rocky(!) end in a tie?

Unlike all the Rocky sequels, Portland’s 2-2 draw against LAFC didn’t suck (don't @ me). In keeping with all the Rocky movies, however, it told a tale in scenes and acts. Two rivals fought, the upper hand shifting from one (I’d give the Timbers the first 20 minutes and most the time after both teams made subs) to the other (LAFC dominated the first half and held the edge up to about the 60th, when a combination of legs and talent gave out) across (roughly) 97 sprawling minutes. Come to think of it - and why the hell have I never used dramatic structure to frame a game? - this game fit a three-act formula with unusual precision…if literally and exclusively from the Timbers perspective. Here’s the outline:

The Timbers start strong - all is well! - and find their just reward through a clinical goal from Jaroslaw Niezgoda that, if only in retrospect, came easily, too easily, as if in warning. As the game turns to the 30th minute (end of Act I), storm clouds gather on the horizon…here, “the horizon” means the top of Portland’s defensive third, where LA’s players found way too much time and, with that, they started stringing together combinations, picking up fouls in dangerous places (as demonstrated by Eduardo Atuesta’s free kickbefore the 30th minute!). Curtain. [End Act I]

And yet Portland had held the weight of LAFC pressure at bay, even into Act II. LAFC edged close, and closer, then so close you could feel their swampy Orlando breath on your neck, but surely, they couldn’t…NO! A bolt by Latif Blessing lacerates the heart of Portland’s center, finding LAFC’s dashing forward, Bradley Wright-Phillips at the true and vulnerable heart of Portland’s defense…or, rather, 5-10 yards behind it. He lashes home, honestly, one hell of a goal, but I’ve always loved that guy…more on him later, in fact. The siege continues, fortune slips through Portland’s fingers one probing combination sequence after another, unrelenting, dizzying, leaving Portland gasping for air, wondering whether the next threat would come from around the fullback, or into the seam between fullback and centerback. They succumb to the weight, at long last (actually, just four minutes), and, with chance following chance, the Timbers seem doomed to fall under an avalanche of goals, and into a hell where they'll face their dread, smelly rivals, the Seattle Sounders…again (and again and again and again). And yet LAFC’s attacks do not relent [Ed. - For the factual record, LAFC posted 19 shots, just three of them on goal; just building tension here; don’t want to give a false impression.]…until the half-time whistle. Both sides go to their (ideally) sanitized locker rooms to regroup, perhaps reflect on their fate in the universe. Perhaps a player offers a soliloquy…

MLS Week 2 Recap: Contra Bunkering & Where the Action Is (the West)

Googling "bad training" turns up some stuff...

“There’s an old question common to all sports – e.g., whether you’d rather be entertained versus whether you just want the W however you get it. The Nashville game tested the hell out of that one. Some part of me has always known how I'd answer.”

I tweeted that earlier (and apologies for quoting myself), and I want to finish the thought. Regardless of whether my Portland Timbers opt to bunker-‘n’-counter for the rest of 2020 – and I mean this specifically in terms of, as someone online put it, “grinding out results” - this is me formally objecting to the concept.

Grinding out a result on the road against a good team is a time honored tradition of the game, and that is good and just; I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about adopting it as a style – or, to use a buzzword I hate, an “identity” built around that. Sure, that can win a team some games, but, unless you’re flirting with elite in your counterattacking quality (and I’m not sure the Timbers are in 2020), that’ll never win you a title, and I thought that was the point of all this. And if your team’s goal is to make the playoffs, only to die in the first round, I…I don’t know how to talk to you.

More to the point, I’m a firm believer in the idea that a team should know how to play soccer – i.e., how to advance the ball up the field, and in a controlled way that allows a team to put good shots on goal. That’s one of those things that, 1) a team has work at, and 2) something the players can’t learn unless they get high-rep practice doing that. Because “grinding out a result” trains a team in the opposite direction, I don’t believe it should be encouraged, even on a shitty team. Besides the act of practicing that approach will reveal the players who are up to it. Anyway, all I wanted to say is that there is a time and place for grinding out results, but that isn’t in league soccer – or least not in any league I’d want to watch.

With that li’l rant out of the way, it’s back to regularly scheduled programming. I’ve reviewed the MLS in 15 highlights for all the games in Week 2 – and I went the full 90 on Atlanta v Cincy and Portland v Nashville (links below) – and ranked all the results in the order of their comparative importance; the more important, the higher up on the list it shows. I checked the box scores for each game (not a lot to get excited about this week, fwiw; also, I embed MLSSoccer.com's data-set into the header for each game), and did some light reading, but it’s mostly just notes on the games at this point. Good ones, hopefully, but I’ll be the first to admit I come into these games in various moods and/or states of mind. It’s in the way that you use it, or something to that effect. Oh, and I should still post a link to the 2020 MLS season preview I posted about a month ago; that'll inform some part of the commentary, whether conscious or not, until about Week 5 or so.

MLS Form Guide ULTRA, Week 13: A Whole Bunch of Data & A Stupid Epiphany

There are dozens of more respectful images, but I liked the roman candle.

With a narrative summary of MLS Week 13 posted over on Orange & Blue Press, I can finally post the source material. [Ed. – If I edit these posts even once, the formatting falls apart; these things can actually look worse, swear to god.] While I at least touched on every game in that narrative summary, a handful of useful details/budding narratives fell to the cutting room floor.

Before that, and to wrap up the argument I started against the “West > East” line in the narrative post, the reason I resisted that is down below in how I organized…fine, ranked the teams. If you use “W” for the Western Conference, and “E” for the Eastern, my top eight ranking is: WEEWWEWW. Yes, that is five teams out of eight in favor of the Western Conference, but I also have Eastern Conference teams in the next three spots (e.g., 9-11). I don’t like the verb “rank” on these things, because I think the sports rankings only achieve clarity at the poles – e.g., it can tell you which teams are good, and which teams suck openly and weekly, but the deeper reality is that everything just sort of runs together in the middle – especially in a (relatively) tight-wad league like MLS. In so many words, the clearest judgments are at the beginning and the end - and that's how I push past the "West > East" narrative: the bad teams in both conferences are just bad. (yes, I saw that Colorado beat Columbus...but was that really so weird? See below.) and you can ignore everything in the middle. Shit. Why did explaining that make me feel like I’m the last guy to experience this “epiphany”? Now, some details…

I won’t gloat for long about the Timbers’ win over Phillly (that’s been covered), but the moved up in the crapshoot down below because they were a team on a solid run beating a strong team at home; that’s the smell of upward momentum. To continue with that theme:

- The Red Bulls went higher on ruthlessness alone, but, goddammit, are they borderline unwatchable. Without the(ir comparative) elegance from seasons past, the gegenpresse becomes hacking, send-in-the-goons stuff. One more page falls from that little red book I keep about the league…

- If their defense starts leaking, Seattle doesn’t have the offense to cover for that right now. Just a point of interstfaction.

- I have both Dallas and Houston over Atlanta down below and, that’s where the idea about closeness to the center comes from. Anyone who remembers Atlanta just rolling over teams in 2018, can’t escape the comparison. They still look a little uncertain out there - even on the defensive side (their late strength) against RSL. I can’t defend where I put Dallas because they have flat-out died out there (two points from 15 - yeah!). Also, the games can't help but get easier, so they've looked good enough for me to expect them to pick up points. With Houston, they need to visibly fuck-up before I write them off.

- LAFC are very good, but they’re mowing through a soft-ish stretch right now, so that’s to be expected. Or, the short version, kicking Montreal’s ass in any venue just isn’t that impressive.

Uh, what else? I think the Chicago Fire are playing closer to their honest level than any team in MLS. A Jimmy-Carter-esque malaise has seized DC, and I still don’t buy Minnesota, even while completely accepting that a lot of their key players are doing well (but Darwin Quintero has to make better decisions). All right, that’s that. Time for the Info-Boxes. I think they’re self-explanatory, and also a loose form of obsessive (“Weeks Since I’ve Posted This Feature Without a Factual Error: 0”). Forward any questions/arguments over twitter (@JeffBull5), I guess. I just wanna sleep...

LOS ANGELES FC, 10-1-4, 34 points, 36 gf, 11 ga, (7-0-1 home, 3-1-3 away)

Last 10 games: WWLWDDWWDW (6-1-3)

Last 10 at home: WWDWW

Last 10 away: WLDWD

W	W	L	W	D	D	W	W	D	W
a DC	v CIN	a VAN	v SEA	a SEA	v CHI	a CLB	v FCD	a FCD	v MTL
4-0	2-0	0-1	4-1	1-1	0-0	3-0	2-0	1-1	4-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Expectation met, boring as you like. If someone asked me to explain LAFC’s success with one highlight, I’d show them this one.

Next Games: @ Portland (6/1) If they beat Portland like the beat Montreal, it’s time for the rest of MLS to dig out that pair of spare pants. Happily, Portland has made that more of an open question than it was 5-6 weeks ago.

PHILADELPHIA UNION, 7-4-3, 24 points, 24 gf, 15 ga, (5-2-1 home, 2-2-2 away)

Last 10 games: WWLWDWWWDL (6-2-2)

Last 10 at home: WWWWDL

Last 10 away: WLDW

W	W	L	W	D	W	W	W	D	L
a CIN	v FCD	a LAG	v MTL	a VAN	v CIN	v NE	a TFC	v SEA	v POR
2-0	2-1	0-2	3-0	1-1	3-0	6-1	2-1	0-0	1-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. That’s two punches on the nose against two West Coast teams and with both games in Philly. Noted. (And the better West Coast team actually won their game. Also noted.). As noted in my extended write-up, the Union still looked very good – even losing.

Next Games. v Colorado (5/29), @ Minnesota (6/2), v RBNY (6/8). “I expect them 8-10 points higher by then,” was last week’s take away on Philly’s schedule. The window for that just shrank. And at least one of those games looks harder after today (away to Minnesota).

NEW YORK CITY FC, 4-1-7, 19 points, 16 gf, 13 ga, (1-0-4 home, 3-1-3 away)

Last 10 games: DLDDWWDWWD (4-1-6)

Last 10 at home: DDWD

Last 10 away: LDWWDD

D	L	D	D	W	W	D	W	W	D
v LAF	a TFC	v MTL	a MIN	a DC	v CHI	v ORL	a MTL	a LAG	a CHI
2-2	0-4	0-0	3-3	2-0	1-0	1-1	2-0	2-0	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Another game, another draw, but also a remarkable unbeaten streak. They looked a little sluggish out there, honestly, but they’ve also taken seven points of nine, all of them on the road.

Next Game: @ Columbus (6/1) v Cincinnati (6/6). To paraphrase the last post, “six points seems realistic (Thanks, Ohio!).” They feel like a good bet to get 10 of 12 from a run of four road games, and FC Cincy doesn’t look like they could stop a gaggle of toddlers right now.

SEATTLE SOUNDERS, 7-2-5, 26 points, 24 gf, 17 ga, (6-0-2 home, 1-2-3 away)

Last 10 games: WWLDDDWWDL (4-2-4)

Last 10 at home: WWDDWW

Last 10 away: LDDL

W	W	L	D	D	D	W	W	D	L
v RSL	v TFC	a LAF	v SJ	v LAF	a MIN	v HOU	v ORL	a PHI	a SKC
1-0	3-2	1-4	2-2	1-1	1-1	1-0	2-1	0-0	2-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Details aside, this was about the result you’d expect from these two teams in a context-free game. In context, though, the Sounders just aren’t posting big results – and it goes beyond things breaking wrong for them (e.g., they missed a sure goal, but also got away with a hand-ball, so…karma’s still balanced).

Next Games. v FCD (6/1), @ Montreal (6/5). “…anything less than four points between here and the Gold Cup should be cause for concern at this point.” I think that still holds – especially since their next two games are two they should win. But that’s what you watch for.

HOUSTON DYNAMO, 7-3-2, 23 points, 20 gf, 13 ga, (6-0-2 home, 1-3-0 away)

Last 10 games: WWWLWWLDWL (6-3-1)

Last 10 at home: WWWWDW

Last 10 away: WLLL

W	W	W	L	W	W	L	D	W	L
v VAN	a COL	v SJ	a LAG	v CLB	v HOU	a SEA	v POR	v DC	a MIN
3-2	4-1	2-1	1-2	2-0	2-1	0-1	1-1	2-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Their road jinx returns(?), but I wouldn’t read too much into this loss. They kept Minnesota largely to half-chances. A little less wayward shooting, and this game was theirs for the taking.

Next. v SKC (6/1). It just got a little tougher for them to go into the Gold Cup Break on a high; still, gives the Dynamo another shot at proving they’re death at home.

NEW YORK RED BULLS, 6-5-3, 21 points, 21 gf, 16 ga, (4-3-1 home, 2-2-2 away)

Last Ten: LDLWWLWWDW (5-3-2)

Last 10 at home: LWWLWD

Last 10 away: DLWW

L	D	L	W	W	L	W	W	D	W
v MIN	a SKC	a NE	v CIN	v LA	v MTL	a FCD	v ATL	v VAN	a CIN
1-2	2-2	0-1	1-0	3-2	1-2	3-1	1-0	2-2	2-0
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. As pointed out in my extended notes, the Red Bulls didn’t look good, they barely generated offense, the press didn’t do shit, etc. They still won, and that’s two wins on the road now. The long-term trend has all of one hiccup in it (the home loss to Montreal…WTF?)

Next Games. v RSL (6/1), @ Philly (6/8). “Six points from this stretch of games, amounts to announcing its revival.” They picked up three points already, and with how RSL plays on the road…and against a possession side like Philly. This could be a real pivot for them.

PORTLAND TIMBERS, 4-6-2, 14 points, 17 gf, 23 ga, (0-0-0 home, 4-6-2 away)

Last 10 games: LLLLWWWLDW (4-5-1)

Last 10 at home: N/A

Last 10 away: LLLLWWWLDW

L	L	L	L	W	W	W	L	D	W
a CIN	a LAG	a SJ	a FCD	a CLB	a TFC	a RSL	a VAN	a HOU	3-1
0-3	1-2	0-3	2-1	3-1	2-1	2-1	0-1	1-1	a PHI
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. That’s a lot of Ws up there and, as argued in my extended notes on their win over Philly, “Portland, 1) still has viable (healthy) talent, and 2) has its shit figured out.”

Next Games. v LAFC (6/1). It doesn’t really matter if Portland wins this – they’ve got lots of season left to tear up – but, jesus fucking Christ, do I want them to win this game.

FC DALLAS, 5-6-3, 18 points, 18 gf, 19 ga, (3-1-3 home, 2-5-0 away)

Last 10 games: WLWWDLLLDL (3-5-2)

Last 10 at home: WDLD

Last 10 away: WLWLLL

W	L	W	W	D	L	L	L	D	L
a RSL	a PHI	v POR	a ATL	v SJ	a HOU	v RB	a LAF	v LAF	a VAN
4-2	1-2	2-1	2-1	0-0	1-2	1-3	0-2	1-1	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “Dallas impressed me a little last weekend.” That was last weekend, and I almost wrote them off – and, with just one point from the last 15 on offer, that stands up. True, Dallas dying on the road, but they’ve played in the toughest places over that stretch (and Vancouver), their last 5 games were hell, and they put up big numbers for the second week running. They had every chance to draw this match to boot.

Next Games. v Seattle (6/1), @ San Jose (6/8). None of the above matters if they can’t convert big numbers into wins. All the tough games now means they should hit a soft patch later.

ATLANTA UNITED FC, 6-5-2, 20 points, 14 gf, 11 ga, (3-1-2 home, 3-4-0 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWWWWWLL (6-4-0)

Last 10 at home: LWWW

Last 10 away: LWWWLL

L	W	L	W	W	W	W	W	L	L
a CLB	a NE	v FCD	v COL	a SKC	v TFC	v ORL	a VAN	a NYR	a RSL
0-2	2-0	1-2	1-0	3-0	2-0	1-0	1-0	0-1	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. While I’d be damned anxious about how many shots they gave away from range (seriously, ask Brad Guzan how he felt about this), they made RSL take every last minute to beat them. Also, that’s a curious little streak they’ve started…

Next Game. v Minnesota (5/29), v Chicago (6/1). Those two games aren’t must-wins, but they sure as hell are “should-wins.” Anything else is just giving away points.

DC UNITED, 7-4-4, 25 points, 19 gf, 14 ga, (4-2-1 home, 3-2-3 away)

Last 10 games: DWLWLWWDLD (4-3-3)

Last 10 at home: DLWW

Last 10 away: WWLDLD

D	W	L	W	L	W	W	D	L	D
v MTL	a COL	v NYC	a CLB	a MIN	v CLB	v SKC	a TFC	a HOU	a NE
0-0	3-2	0-2	1-0	0-1	3-1	1-0	0-0	1-2	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A tricky game to read, honestly. The condensed game didn’t show much from them beyond Wayne Rooney getting on both sides of an ass-kicking. They had a man advantage for most of the second half, and still needed a gift of a penalty call to rescue a point. The recent road form is a cause for concern – especially given the opposition.

Next Game: v Chicago (5/29), v San Jose (6/1). They need wins in both, but less than four points is what I’m really watching for.

CHICAGO FIRE, 4-5-5, 16 points, 21 gf, 18 ga, (4-1-3 home, 0-4-2 away)

Last 10 games: DDWLLDWWLD (3-3-4)

Last 10 at home: DWWWD

Last 10 away: DLLDL

D	D	W	L	L	D	W	W	L	D
a TFC	v VAN	v COL	a NYC	a MTL	a LAF	v NE	v MIN	a SJ	v NYC
2-2	1-1	4-1	0-1	0-1	1-1	5-0	2-0	1-4	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. They had a real opportunity to win this game and that would’ve been something. Take out the fluke against San Jose, and I’d argue that their last five games show the Fire’s level (which is decent).

Next Games. @ DC, 5/29, @ Atlanta, 6/1. “…if they give away the next nine points – sure feels possible - can they recover?” A win would have been nice, sure, but they didn’t give up the next nine points. The question is what comes next – especially with their road record.

MINNESOTA UNITED FC, 6-4-3, 21 points, 21 gf, 18 ga, (3-0-3 home, 3-4-0 away)

Last 10 games: LWDLDWDLWW (4-3-3)

Last 10 at home: DDWDWW

Last 10 away: LWLL

L	W	D	L	D	W	D	L	W	W
a NE	a NYR	v NYC	a TFC	v LAG	v DC	v SEA	a CHI	v CLB	v HOU
1-2	2-1	3-3	3-4	0-0	1-0	1-1	0-2	1-0	1-0
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “A team simply can’t leave that much fetid air between wins and expect to get anywhere.” That was last week and, so that’s one issue fixed gap closed. On the other hand, they won it on a (damned) lucky goal, and gave Houston too much to work with.

Next Games. @ Atlanta (5/29), v Philly (6/2), @ Colorado (6/8). That’s still a nightmare schedule, and they’ll (realistically) want 4 or more points out of it.

REAL SALT LAKE, 6-6-1, 19 points, 20 gf, 21 ga, (4-2-0 home, 2-4-1 away)

Last 10 games: LLLWWLLWWW (5-5-0)

Last 10 at home: LWLWW

Last 10 away: LLWLW

L	L	L	W	W	L	L	W	W	W
a LAF	v FCD	a SEA	v ORL	a CIN	a LAG	v POR	a COL	v TFC	v ATL
1-2	2-4	0-1	2-1	3-0	1-2	1-2	3-2	3-0	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. RSL looked perfectly comfortable going toe-to-toe with the lately-revived reigning champs. They firmed up their case to be taken seriously over the last three games - and showing you can win without a “real” forward – bombs away (i.e., Savarino, Saucedo, and Rusnak).

Next Games: @ Montreal (5/29), @ RBNY (6/1). God knows what’ll happen in their next game (against Montreal, all cards are wild), but getting anything out of Red Bull Arena would be something.

SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES, 5-6-2, 17 points, 20 gf, 24 ga, (4-3-0 home, 1-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWDDWLWW (5-3-2)

Last 10 at home: LWWWW

Last 10 away: LDDLW

L	W	L	W	D	D	W	L	W	W
v LAF	v POR	a HOU	v SKC	a SEA	a FCD	v CIN	a NE	v CHI	a TFC
0-5	3-0	1-2	4-1	2-2	0-0	1-0	1-3	4-1	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. They won this one on the back of having one good player (Cristian Espinoza) being able to find another one (Chris Wondolowski). Two times. Looked like an even game in most regards, but finishing and desire, and the ‘Quakes held the edge in both cases.

Next Games: @ DC (6/1), v Dallas (6/8). At the same time, “anything over six points should command people’s attention” was last week’s note. They’re halfway there by beating Chicago.

VANCOUVER WHITECAPS, 4-6-5, 17 points, 16 gf, 19 ga, (3-3-2 home, 1-3-3 away)

Last 10 games: DWLDWWLDDW (4-2-4)

Last 10 at home: WDWLW

Last 10 away: DLWDD

D	W	L	D	W	W	L	D	D	W
a CHI	v LAF	a ORL	v PHI	a COL	v POR	v ATL	a SKC	a NYR	v FCD
1-1	1-0	0-1	1-1	3-2	1-0	0-1	1-1	2-2	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “Overall, they’re rounding into a tough game, minimum.” I love when my theories hold up…but, even if the ‘Caps should have made it 3-1, they got out-played in the game and it took a couple lucky bounces and a great goal to get all three. The fate of Ali Adnan’s groin could be a big deal (this is just one thing he can do).

Next Games. v TFC (5/31). “Dallas should trouble them.” And they did, just not enough. Playing a Toronto team in free-fall in Vancouver could see them over the playoff line at the break.

LOS ANGELES GALAXY, 8-5-1, 25 points, 19 gf, 17 ga, (6-2-0 home, 2-3-1 away)

Last 10 games: WWWDWLLLLW (5-4-1)

Last 10 at home: WWWLL

Last 10 away: WDLLW

W	W	W	D	W	L	L	L	L	W
a VAN	v PHI	v HOU	a MIN	v RSL	a RB	a CLB	v NYC	v COL	a ORL
2-0	2-0	2-1	0-0	2-1	2-3	1-3	0-2	0-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Jonathan dos Santos got one, and got away with win (HT; Nani). A win counts more or less according to circumstances. A necessary win, but it doesn’t re-write the Galaxy’s fate.

Next Games. @ SKC (5/29), v NE Revs (6/2). “A good team eats that run alive, that’s all I’m saying. I’d be stunned if they get less than three points.” Low bar, cleared. I’ll give ‘em credit if they get three more points.

MONTREAL IMPACT, 6-6-3, 21 points, 17 gf, 23 ga, (2-1-1 home, 4-5-2 away)

Last 10 games: DWLWWLWLDL (4-4-2)

Last 10 at home: WWLD

Last 10 away: DLWWL

D	W	L	W	W	L	W	L	D	L
a DC	v CLB	a PHI	a NE	v CHI	v NYC	a RB	a CIN	v NE	a LAF
0-0	1-0	0-3	3-0	1-0	2-0	2-1	1-2	0-0	2-4
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Were they signs of life? Nah, they got dunked on, then pulled apart; LAFC set up a shooting gallery. They got four points out of the last 15 available, and they even did that weird.

Next Games. v RSL (5/29), v Orlando (6/1), v Seattle (6/5). That’s three home games against three teams with different issues/weaknesses, plus Ignacio Piatti back in the fold. This is where they show who they are this season.

TORONTO FC, 5-6-2, 17 points, 23 gf, 22 ga, (3-3-2 home, 2-3-0 away)

Last 10 games: DLWLWLLDLL (2-6-2)

Last 10 at home: DWLLDL

Last 10 away: LWLL

D	L	W	L	W	L	L	D	L	L
v CHI	a SEA	v MIN	v POR	a ORL	a ATL	v PHI	v DC	a RSL	v SJ
2-2	2-3	4-3	1-2	2-0	0-2	1-2	0-0	0-3	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Their last four results at home should be enough to underscore just how reasonable the doubts surrounding TFC have become.; the record over their last 10 games is straight-up sobering. Missing Bradley and Pozuelo hurts, but the goals they allowed…way too easy. Watch Drew Moor. He knows.

Next Games. @ Vancouver (5/31), v SKC (6/7). “Also, worried about a disaster ahead of the break.” That’s from two weeks prior now, and I still stand by it.

SPORTING KC, 3-4-5, 14 points, 23 gf, 22 ga, (3-1-3 home, 0-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: DWDDLDLLDW (2-3-5)

Last 10 at home: WDDLDW

Last 10 away: DDLL

D	W	D	D	L	D	L	L	D	W
a COL	v MTL	a CIN	v NYR	a SJ	v NE	v ATL	a DC	v VAN	v SEA
1-1	7-1	1-1	2-2	1-4	4-4	0-3	0-1	1-1	3-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A great win, but…does it really matter yet? Johnny Russell will not do this every week, bluntly, and look at the gap between their wins – and how that’s with four games at home. And Matt Besler limped off again to boot…

Next Games. v LA Galaxy (5/29), @ Houston (6/1), @ TFC (6/7). “The crazy thing is, all they have to do is wake up.” They’ve hit the snooze button with that result. If they get six points between now and the Gold Cup break, they return to the watch list.

COLUMBUS CREW SC, 5-9-1, 16 points, 14 gf, 22 ga, (4-3-1 home, 1-6-0 away)

Last 10 games: WLLLLLWLLL (2-8-0)

Last 10 at home: WLLWL

Last 10 away: LLLLL

W	L	L	L	L	L	W	L	L	L
v NE	a MTL	v POR	v DC	a HOU	a DC	v LAG	v LAF	a MIN	a COL
1-0	0-1	1-3	0-1	0-2	1-3	3-1	0-3	0-1	2-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Caleb Porter’s deer-in-the-headlights post-game comments say something global, but, despite playing an even game, lllooooonnnngggggg runs of failure are built on flukes and fuck-ups, and Columbus simply cannot quit them.

Next Games. v NYCFC (6/1). “…the Crew will very likely hit the break on a major down.” Another prediction panned out. This team desperately needs to clear its collective head.

ORLANDO CITY SC, 4-7-3, 15 points, 19 gf, 21 ga, (3-4-1 home, 1-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWDLLLWL (3-6-1)

Last 10 at home: LWWLWL

Last 10 away: LDLL

L	W	L	W	D	L	L	L	W	L
v DC	v COL	a RSL	v VAN	a NYC	v TFC	a ATL	a SEA	v CIN	v LAG
1-2	4-3	1-2	1-0	1-1	2-0	0-1	1-2	5-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. When your DP chokes on a penalty kick, right? The Lions racked up chances and drove them game, but I offer one grasping moment as a symbol for this loss (ask yourself; why did that look so half-assed?), and Orlando’s season as a whole.

Next Games. @ Montreal (6/1). This loss also amounted to fucking up their best shot at redemption. Good thing Montreal plays with loose dice.

COLORADO RAPIDS, 2-9-2, 8 points, 20 gf, 32 ga, (1-4-2 home, 1-5-0 away)

Last 10 games: LLLLLLLLLWW (2-8-0)

Last 10 at home: LLLLW

Last 10 away: LLLLW

L	L	L	L	L	L	L	L	W	W
a FCD	v HOU	a ORL	v DC	a CHI	a ATL	v VAN	v RSL	a LAG	v CLB
1-2	1-4	3-4	2-3	4-1	0-1	2-3	2-3	1-0	3-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A glorious win – and Nicolas Mezquida deserves celebration/freak-out of Week 13 – but it’s vital to acknowledge just how tenuous this was; Columbus got more looks than the highlights suggested. For Colorado, though, Jonathan Lewis looks like an addition to their modest collection of good pieces.

Next Game: @ Philly (5/29), v Cincinnati (6/1), v Minnesota (6/8). “The Columbus game is one to watch.” And now we have part of the answer. “If they’ve really found their feet, the Rapids will get six points out of those home games.” That leaves watching Cincy and the Loons.

NEW ENGLAND REVS, 3-8-4, 13 points, 15 gf, 32 ga, (3-4-1 home, 0-4-3 away)

Last 10 games: LLWLDLLWDD (2-5-3)

Last 10 at home: LWLWD

Last 10 away: LDLLD

L	L	W	L	D	L	L	W	D	D
a CLB	v ATL	v NYR	v MTL	a SKC	a PHI	a CHI	v SJ	a MTL	v DC
0-1	0-2	1-0	0-3-	4-4	1-6	0-5	3-1	0-0	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. You have to squint to see it, but the Revs started in a better direction after getting rid of Brad Friedel. They scored after going down a player – they lost their starting ‘keeper and his replacement had to stand immediately tall – and came close to winning. New kids (e.g., Tajon Buchanan and Brandon Bye) showing well, and Cristian Penilla is waking up.

Next Games. @ LA Galaxy (6/2). As much as the Revs could use a win, file that game under doable, but also unlikely.

FC CINCINNATI, 3-9-2, 11 points, 11 gf, 25 ga, (2-3-1 home, 1-6-1 away)

Last 10 games: LDLLLLLWLL (1-8-1)

Last 10 at home: LDLWL

Last 10 away: LLLLL

L	D	L	L	L	L	L	W	L	L
v PHI	v SKC	a LAF	v RSL	a NYR	a PHI	a SJ	v MTL	a ORL	v NYR
0-2	1-1	0-2	0-3	0-1	0-2	0-1	2-1	1-5	0-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. It’s as bad as it looks and, as argued in my extended notes, I don’t see it going away soon. They have an optimal line-up, and I think that’s their ceiling. And it’s damned low.

Next Games. @ Colorado (6/1), @ NYCFC (6/6). With the road as cruel as it has been, I give Cincy no chance in that second game. Which means they need to get something out of that first one.

Right. That’s my crystal ball spit-shined as clean as I can get it…yeah, I’ve always been a fraud…