2021 MLS Cup Preview: The Timbers Game to Lose, but Let's Count the Ways

“I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”
“And we’re just the guys to do it.”
- Animal House, Whoever Wrote It, and, Yes, I Love that Damn Movie.

I like to think this site has a long tradition of doing excessive, even silly things at least once a season. With the Portland Timbers not just playing in its third MLS Cup, but hosting it as well, it felt like an occasion to really ratchet the excessive and silly to a whole new level. I’ll close this post with some general thoughts, but first, I decided to sit down and watch every goal scored or allowed in 2021 by the team that stands between the Timbers and the 2021 MLS Cup: New York City FC. Call it an attempt to figure out where the blows might come from, even if I’m powerless to do anything about it…

…and, full disclosure, I skipped the last three games of the regular season, and for reasons that will beccome clear when I talk big picture, and also totally forgot NYCFC played Atlanta United FC in the first round of the 2021 post-season, but, I did look at every goal besides that. Which is to say, I spent a stupid amount of time reviewing video for a guy with a tiny platform. And yet, here is my report.

To start with the big picture, NYCFC allowed just 36 goals during the regular season, plus five more during the playoffs, making them the 6th cleanest defense in Major League Soccer. Related, only two teams - the New England Revolution and Nashville SC - had a better regular season goal differential (+24 and +22, respectively), while NYC tied with the Seattle Sounders at third place with a +20. As follows from, I didn’t see a ton of goals scored against NYCFC - i.e., again, they are a good defensive team - but a hefty chunk of them shared two characteristics.

Switching Off/Set-Pieces
Some times they nod off on defense, and it’s full-on lights out when NYCFC does. A lot of ball-watching, heads not on swivels, just general, crippling inattention to the world around them. The Timbers can’t rely on that happening, obviously, because, again, they ended the regular season allowing 1.06 goals/game. Sadly, no one can make their defense switch off on command (but what if I paid you money? I've got like $56 in ones, guys), which makes that a yes/no, they will or they won't kind of factor. Now, for the one Portland can exploit…

An MLS History Project, 2015: Symmetry, Tragedy and Triumph

Yes, on multiple levels...

Of the 24 (full, unfucked) seasons in Major League Soccer history, 2015 counts as the most consequential for me, personally – and not for the obvious reason. Yes, the Portland Timbers won MLS Cup and, yes, it was one hell of a ride and I’ll cover all of that below, probably to the point of short-changing the rest of the league. To paraphrase the great moral philosopher, U.S. Attorney General William Barr, the writing of history falls to the victors (and, to finish his thought, yes, I just put Baby in the fucking corner, deal with it).

To get the personal weirdness out of the way, I barely enjoyed watching the Timbers win MLS Cup. It wasn’t a great game for one – and I mean that in terms of spectacle – Portland’s goals were cheap (the first) and dirty (the second) and, because their opponents, Columbus Crew SC, never really recovered from Diego Valeri’s sucker-punch goal in the very first minute, it was effectively over as a contest by the 7th minute when the Timbers’ Rodney Wallace scored their second, naughty goal (here's a wrap-up of all the malfeasance in MLS Cup 2015). On a deeper level – and a misplaced one, as explained below – I experienced the 2015 season as seven months of (at times deep) mediocrity followed by two weeks of joy. I struck out on a metaphor in my post on the 2014 season, so I’ll borrow a cliché and say I want at least four of those seven months back, dammit.

In fewer words, 2015 was the season I decided I’d take the Supporters’ Shield over MLS Cup every goddamn time. Watching a better team get results all year long sounds like a better season to me, thank you very much (and winning the U.S. Open Cup will always be a happy accident and/or a sporadic confidence builder for your bench, will be rewarded for their service by watching the starters step in to steal the glory over the final two games). The grass is always greener, the cup will never be anything but half-full, the pope wears a funny hat and shits in the woods, etc.

Moving on to programming notes, I’m not going to list all the teams, their records and some notes at the end of the post anymore. Back when I started this, that seemed like the best way to provide hard information about a season, but you can read and digest the final 2015 conference tables as well as I can, and now I’ve got the Form Guide, fresher memories, and more reliable access to video highlights, and that gives me enough material to create and/or embellish a narrative of the season. [Ed. – Point in fact, I could watch highlights of most games from the 2015 season, but I love myself too much for that madness.] Now, to our regularly scheduled programming…

An MLS History Project, 2002: Coming Back from the Dead to Become the Buffalo Bills

Not judging, just stating (but, yes, judging).

It’s easier to know something about every team in a league with fewer teams, obviously, but few things do the experience real justice quite like the numbers:

“Each team played a total of 28 matches in the regular season, which ran from March to September, facing teams within their conference four times and outside of their conference two times.”

After seeing the same names that often, how could you not put a face to every name? (Also, it was mostly names and faces; I don’t honestly recall how many games I could watch on a weekly basis back then, but I think you’d be surprised; more later.) That was true at the time, but, today, I couldn’t pick Rodrigo Faria out of a police line-up if he was wearing a shirt that said “Rodrigo Faria” on it. And that guy lead the New York/New Jersey MetroStars in scoring in 2002. The limits of going by memory…

If you go by the goals scored, 2002 wasn’t much to look at. For one, it was the lowest-scoring season in MLS history to date with just 42.1 goals for/against league wide (helpfully, the 2001 average came in at 43.25, the former league-low; less helpfully, 2000’s average was 51.0). I remember commentators, and probably the league, panicking about that a little, but can you blame them? MLS contracted from 12 teams down to 10 between 2001 and 2002 – and, apparently, drew up the papers to fold. If you love soccer already, you’ve already priced in low-scoring games, but, just for a minute, put yourself in the shoes of someone whose chosen career is pitching soccer to a country famously hostile to soccer. Now, as that person, how would you feel if the league you ran spent two seasons basically proving the point of everyone who hates that sport – e.g., that no one ever (fucking) scores. So, yes, I’m sympathetic to the situation.

How bad was it? MLS Cup runner-up, the New England Revolution, scored the most goals that season, 49 in all. They barely raised a low average, in other words. The Revs had a pretty damn strong team that season, obviously; a team doesn’t (barely) win the Eastern Conference and reach MLS Cup without outdoing its peers. That didn’t make it any less fitting that MLS Cup 2002* was decided by a single goal, scored in extra time – this would be the last “golden goal” in MLS history – and by a team that had relied on its defense more than I remembered (* That link takes you to the highlights, and they're fun, for the Jones/Franchino battle alone; also, seeing the winner again...and it's been years...it hurt). To pick up another thread to the ultimate, achingly-awaited triumph: when the Los Angeles Galaxy broke its MLS Cup duck, they borrowed the playbook from the 2000 Kansas City Wizards (and, for the record, Blazing Saddles has forever ruined me for any phrase that begins with “Kansas City”; WARNING, not PC, but very effective in its message), and brought in a ringer: Carlos Ruiz, a Guatemalan forward/diver/con-artist/street-genius. It was no surprise at all to see him score the winner; Ruiz had already scored over half the Galaxy’s goals during the regular season (seriously, 24 goals of 44 goals). To hang an analogy on it, the Galaxy was only able to win an MLS Cup by going from Scandal to Patty Smyth and Scandal.

Atlanta United v. Portland Timbers: An MLS Cup Preview That Devolves Into Animal Metaphors

Spirit animal.

[Ed. – For those interested only in a breakdown/preview of MLS Cup, skip down to the double asterisk. For everyone else…let’s dig in.]

I went to bed two nights ago with the grand ambition of scouting Atlanta United FC by watching three of their archived: their two 2018 post-season home wins and their home win over the Montreal Impact back in April. I’d whittled that down to two games last night – the 3-0 home rout over the New York Red Bulls (patoo-patoo, [salt over my left shoulder], [cross myself in both the Catholic and Eastern Orthodox tradition], a pox, and may such an abomination never come to pass until 2019, amen) and the Montreal game.

I realized I’d already watched the win over the Red Bulls by the second minute (why didn’t I remember watching it? While I was stone-cold sober, my wife talked over that whole damn game, hence the hole in my head), and decided I’d only watch the Montreal game. That’s when I learned that ESPN+’s archived footage would only let me go back to November 1...

…and so, thankful that circumstances saved me from my most excessive impulses, I just read some stuff and watched a couple videos of people doing the lifting for me. Like a normal person.

** After a week of being completely checked out of MLS, I don’t have a ton of specifics on what will help or hurt the Portland Timbers when they battle Atlanta for MLS Cup. After a battle of my own – How MLS Organizes Content on its Home Page versus Me (MLSoccer.com won; seriously, it takes a fucking divining rod to tick through their content) – and considering those inputs, here are my take-aways.

The Layout Favors Atlanta, but There Is No Underdog

In the one in-depth preview video I found (before giving up; work on it, a-holes), Taylor Twellman and Matt Doyle (also Calen Carr) made smart comments about Atlanta’s greater flexibility in terms of how they can attack, and I think those are accurate. Doyle leaned harder into the argument that Portland is a one-trick pony – e.g., stay organized (a word that needs refining) and counter – but the Timbers are really good at that trick; moreover, “really good” leveled up to fucking great around the beginning of October. Better still, this “you had one job” style of play travels well. I don’t know whether to call it irony or accidental brilliance, but the MLS home page’s article on that same point puts more time into talking about the Timbers’ other long-suit instead: how thoroughly capably this team plays for another. Portland has been on the same sentence of the same page for the entire post-season, something that has made them so damn hard to beat that no team has.

To the extent Atlanta holds an edge, those factors – e.g., a reliable game-plan that every player understands and believes in – push back against it.

The Late (Late) Tackle, 12 12 2016: The Expansion Draft, Data on Cup v. Shield, and an Accidental MLS 2016 Review

At least one metaphor for what MLS needs right now.

A couple items tonight, one actual contemporary commentary, the other clean up from yesterday. In order of urgency…which depends on how one defines urgency, I guess.

The Expansion Draft, and the Portland Timbers, and the Expansion Draft

As has already been discussed on twitter today, and at some length and in some depth, all of Major League Soccer clubs made their (not really) Sophie’s Choice as to which players on their rosters to protect, and which to offer up to…the Germans? (Pretty sure it’s the Germans in Sophie's Choice, but not sure on the iteration of Germans – e.g. the thwarted imperialists, or the actual dickheads (e.g. Nazis)).

At any rate, Portland cast the following to the Huns (jingo!): Dairon “On Loan” Asprilla, Jack “Not Nick” Barmby, Nat “Retired?” Borchers, Kennedy “JK!” Igboananike, Chris “Who?” Klute, Jack “What The Hell?” McInerney, Jermaine “Conifers & Citrus Player of the Year” Taylor, Steven “Please Go” Taylor, Zarek…wow, there are, like, a lot of dudes listed here. OK, the rest are Zarek “Don’t Care” Valentin, Ben “Still here?” Zemanski, Nick “Forgotte…look, never mind. I’m getting closer to “full asshole” with each nickname, so I’ll shut that off before feelings get hurt (and folks start making assumptions). The point is, the Timbers didn’t expose a lot in the way of “key” personnel. Also, that’s not necessarily a comment on the quality of the players exposed. Some of those shitty nicknames notwithstanding, on the other hand...

In all honesty, last season was bad enough that I’d like to think even the “safe players” (bar, seriously, three) experienced a little heart flutter when the list went out. Gentlemen…

As for the Expansion Draft as a whole, I guess the only thing left to ask is which players I would take if I were either Atlanta or Minneapolis FC United (gotta say, the unoriginality/overlap in those team names has its upside). And, here’s that, followed by a brief explanation for each choice.

The Late Tackle, 12 09 2016: All MLS Cup Preview, and Nothing But

Sweet Jesus. That is Chatty Cathy and she is terrifying!

So, the 2016 Major League Soccer season reaches its long-delayed climax (srsly, entire month of November was pure whiskey-dick) tomorrow afternoon when the Seattle Sounders visit Toronto FC to vie for MLS Cup. My plans for the day include pulling on some loose fitting clothing and burying myself in blankets on a couch and challenging my body to stay awake despite all the depressants I no doubt will dump into my system in order to cope with what has potential to be, the final insult of 2016. By that I mean Seattle might win the damn game, which would be awful, while also putting an end to my dream of buying a Sounders jersey (nah, I’ll steal one; no money for them) just so I can put [___] over the crest – e.g. where the star goes after your team wins.

It’s not like it’s hard to find write-ups and predictions for tomorrow’s game – the official preview post on MLSSoccer.com has about 20 of the things – because it’s the event of the annual soccer calendar. I’d still like to offer up some final thoughts, for am I a Chatty Cathy Doll, one that talks even without someone pulling the string. Hope I can touch on something novel.

I touched on this thought a couple times over the past week, but when it comes to framing the Cup, I think it’s important to understand it as something other than just the next game for either Seattle or Toronto. “Form” matters, of course, but, in a rough and real way, Seattle is a different team from the Montreal Impact (for Toronto) and Toronto is a different team than the Colorado Rapids (for Seattle). And it goes even deeper than that. Basically, Toronto confronts Seattle with entirely new problems to solve and situations to exploit and vice versa. Here, an honest man acknowledges that there’s not much hard data to work with here, because the teams met only once in 2016 (and under pretty different circumstances). With that, let’s start with what we do know…says, the guy who just gave “form” the side-eye not 100 words before. And, in another nice touch irony/self-flagellation, wherever did I leave that “how they got here” post that I gently mocked yesterday? Ah, there it is. So, fuck me from two days ago, that’s worth reading. Now, let’s take a step further back…

The Late Tackle, 12 08 2016: Still More MLS Cup Crap, Players Moving, Players Departing, and an Understudy Rising?

Looks like he's been crying. Or he's just drunk.

You know the drill: MLS Cup dominates, while the 18 (or 20) other Major League Soccer teams quietly start figuring out how they’ll knock the eventual champion off its pedestal. Circle of life, etc.

More MLS Cup Crap

For all that it might not come through, I’m actually pretty excited about this year’s MLS Cup. I’ve got a clear, strong voter interest (which, my luck, spells a Seattle Sounders win, goddammit). Whatever happened with them all season long (e.g. Seattle sucking for 2/3 of it), both teams hit the final playing well and, on top of that, each team’s stars are shining. That goes for the attacking players as much as anybody, which could explain why Goal.com’s predictions post sees goals, goals, goals in MLS fans’ future (to be fair, one prediction only gets to “goal, goal” and, also of interest, gives both to Seattle). A related article, this one a compare/contrast between Jozy Altidore and Jordan Morris, sticks with a similar focus.

I’ll put up more thorough personal theories tomorrow (good lord willing), but part of me wonders how much faith in high scoring grows from a form of recency bias. Some articles talk about loosely about how either team attacks (great!) and defends, but without much discussion/acknowledgement of particular circumstances. For instance, how much of the “vulnerability” in Toronto FC’s defense grew from the Montreal Impact series alone? Isn’t it just as important, if not more important, to note that they shut out New York City FC in their first round series, while also allowing 19 fewer goals through the length of the regular season, as was noted in a write-up on Drew Moor’s move to/upgrading of Toronto’s “rugged” defense. (Alternately, is it rugged and vulnerable, y’know, like how Daniel Craig played James Bond in the last Bond flick?) The point could be right or wrong, but the basic assumption tracks a logic similar to writing up a “what happened to Lodeiro” piece based on Seattle’s series against the Colorado Rapids (related: Have you watched that tape, Toronto? Can you watch that? Please?).

Or, to crawl out of the other side of the rabbit hole, maybe Nick Hagglund will give away a cheap goal, as noted in a “young players to watch” post I read (Hagglund made the cut and, in fairness, he is genuinely of interest). By the same token, maybe he scores a goal and gets an assist, too. (Or maybe Montreal didn’t game-plan Hagglund fer shit?)

At any rate, yeah, looking forward to MLS Cup Saturday. Now, looking elsewhere…

The Late Tackle, 12 07 2016: More MLS Cup Crap, Portland and Expansion, Plus Expansion (and Sad Mix)

No, please. Throw away my shit for me.

For anyone who cares about such things, I’m trying to choose how many items to cover in these daily things. I’m hung up between three topics and five. Split the difference today. But one of ‘em feels weak. Shit. Anyway…

More MLS Cup Crap

The work of hyping a cup final takes many shapes and runs from good to bad (not to pick on that last one but it's only of interest to someone who hasn’t paid attention at all for the last month). As for the good stuff, I bumped into a couple today: one a tactical preview (but with a shitty title, at least on mobile: “Jordan Morris Poses Problems for TFC,” which really sells it short), which dives decently deep into things (personally, I found the Armando Cooper stuff enlightening); the other, which also didn’t promise much by title, looks at how the MLS contestants, (again) Seattle Sounders and Toronto FC, built their rosters. It’s more of a how-to than it looks, especially the stuff about both club’s academies. If I had to give a long-term edge of any kind between the two teams, it’d go to Toronto. Take away Jordan Morris (please!), and I’d rate Toronto’s pool higher.

On a note that relates only because these two teams are in the Cup, I read somewhere that Nick Hagglund has “become a force” on set-pieces. I’m hung up on “maybe” for now, because I don’t think TFC can count on the absolute shit marking that Montreal put on Hagglund in the first leg.

One more on MLS Cup, and those participating in it. It’s cool to see TFC’s Jozy Altidore pick up a littlehype, because he’s playing out of his goddamn mind right now. I’m thinking back, specifically, to a back-heel that he used to set up one of Toronto’s goals against Montreal. Next-level shit, kid. and from a guy I still call the smartest man in MLS.

The Late Tackle, 12 06 2016: Picking at MLS Cup News, (A) Goalkeeper Theory, and Johnny Foreigner

I object! Not Seattle!

MLS Cup will dominate the headlines through Sunday I figure (for they will still speak of it the day after, even if it sucks), but it’s also that time of year when the post-mortems start to roll in. MLSSoccer.com posted a sort of weird early edition, something they called a “tactical review” of each MLS club. I’ve read better, but I’ve also read worse; call it “of interest.” Almost started my own reviews last night (true story), but. 1) I’m still processing, and 2) not everyone’s done and that felt like driving away from a wedding just because all involved didn’t respect your objection to the proceedings. (Also, I’ll need something to do over the off-season.)

Getting back to MLS Cup, I’m short on things to say about Saturday’s match-up for some reason. That Toronto FC v. Seattle Sounders sure looks like a solid match-up only makes that a little weirder. Maybe it’s simple as the notion that, regardless what’s said going in, those two teams will meet on Saturday and something will happen. No one knows what, either, which I suppose is the hallmark of a good final. Dunno, still working on it, I guess. Maybe inspiration hits tomorrow.

Others are trying, of course, but most of what I’ve read so far interests me only tangentially. For instance, a write-up on Seattle’s Stefan Frei got me thinking about how to best evaluate a ‘keeper. When Frei went to Seattle, I remember telling a couple Sounders-loving friends that they landed a good ‘keeper. Frei got shelled when he played for TFC, but that only made the argument for looking past something basic the number of goals Frei “allowed,” because, when it comes to letting in goals, ‘keepers typically have “helpers.” Frei typically came off looking like the best part of a bad system, and that was enough to recommend him. Timbers fans should have a comfortable grasp on after 2016…not that Gleeson didn’t let a couple slip (see, Vancouver).

One other take, one that has less to do about either team in MLS Cup, but about the league as a whole, came from Matt Doyle, The Armchair Analyst. He (or someone else) crunched the numbers on the balance between foreign and domestic players in MLS. The headline contends that Toronto leaned more heavily than most into their domestic pool, a perfectly respectable choice, but the more interesting details point to league-wide trends. One point of interest is that the decline in domestic v. foreign players isn’t linear (e.g. it ticks down one year, then bounces back up), but it’s also worth noting the rate of decline. On the one hand, it’s slower than I expected (e.g. from just over 60% domestic in 2010 to about (never mind, precisely) 53.66% last year), but the more interesting wrinkle comes from elsewhere – specifically, the 2016 MLS Best XI, as chosen by the lackeys in the Bureau of Information (aka, MLSSoccer.com). (And maybe others. Didn’t check.) Regardless, the extent to which that Starting XI is ‘Murican should catch the eye, because that says something else about the international/domestic balance, and where teams seem to look when they need next-level guys. Back to the original piece, it’s worth checking your own team to see where they fit into that whole scheme.

The Late Tackle, 12 01 2016 - MLS Cup Finalists Finalized (Plus Everyone Else's Crappy Consolation Prize)

Like that, only with a couple consolation goals...

MLS Cup: Conference Champions...Revealed!

I never heard what Greg Vanney had to say just after halftime.

The 20-minute mini-game cut off the highlights right as Vanney, Toronto FC’s coach, was about to reveal his secrets – e.g. maybe that they’d channeled demons into Jozy Altidore (for he did play possessed), or that someone finally explained to Nick Hagglund, at long last, that he enjoys the freedom to score goals, as well as keep them out (or maybe that he was much bigger and faster than the Montreal Impact’s Marco Donadel). Vanney’s words could have explained everything, or nothing. What was clear from the start, though, was that Toronto hit the field turned up to 11 (shit, used a cliché). Nothing made that apparent quite like Michael Bradley’s slashing/manically-determined run into Montreal’s penalty area inside the first minute. (NOTE: Due to where and when I post, I only have the capacity to link to the match highlights; sorry for the inconvenience!)

Toronto simply never let up; if they ran over the Impact, they did it slowly. Or, rather than ran them over during the game, then backed over them in extra time. Count me among those shocked by Montreal’s set-piece defending (assuming such population exists). Hagglund got crazy-free twice (at least) and those lapses led to a panic/assist on (was it?) Toronto’s first, cleaned up by Armando Cooper (if memory serves), and the goal that forced extra time. At least Montreal had an excuse when it came to Hagglund – no one saw him coming – but, because they were warned about Altidore (see?), one has to ask just what the goofy fuck Montreal was thinking by letting Altidore run completely unmarked right before half; that was one hell of a tricky goal, but Jozy was good for it (again, possibly due to possession; there was no other word for how he approached the game all day, other than “surging”).

Montreal didn’t so much lie down, as protect its vitals for as long as it could while slipping in a couple pokes with a shiv. Dominic Oduro – who quietly put in a very credible year, as well as a rock-solid playoff run, which breaks his famous every-other-year pattern (congrats, kid!) – set himself up for the goal that could have won the series (against anything but a freight train) with the kind of touch he pulls off once every cycle of the moon. Piatti stuck in another one when he wrestled Montreal’s second goal over the goal-line. It was a brave performance, but Toronto was in what some folks call “a mood.”

The Portland Timbers’ 2015: The Unexpected Inevitable Run to Glory

It's a rough approximation, but a fair one.

[Author's Note: This will be the last post on Conifers & Citrus. It seems fitting to leave things here, as this blog becomes one story about how the Portland Timbers won MLS Cup. There'll be more about the move at the end. For now, though, let's talk Timbers and 2015.]

I'm not sure how I expected to feel about winning the league. What I do know is that what I did feel is hard to explain. And probably a little unsatisfying.

First, I've been here before, sort of. I fell in with DC United after Major League Soccer's inaugural season, drawn, at least in part, by one of MLS's few non-ridiculous team name/uniform combos (e.g. Dallas Burn, Tampa Bay Mutiny, San Jose Clash; times were not good, and the uniforms, worse). I had moved to DC in 1997, in search of a place to fit (as it happens, I fit DC as snugly as a hand in a shoe). One thing hadn't led to another, at least not directly, but I still bought season tickets and took in just about all the games. Seeing a team win with that kind of consistency was something, at least until it wasn't. All that winning, for lack of a better word...well, it bored me. 1997 wasn't so much a campaign as a coronation: it had all the suspense of a Tom Cruise movie. (Does he win in the end? Of course he does.)

As the Portland Timbers' run went from encouraging to the, uh, motherfucking championship, I assumed that I'd experience something different, something more powerful. I never knew bad times with that DC (there, sniff....wasn't time). Also, it's not truly love till shit has got, however briefly, real – which, here, means continuing to watch a team, even love them, after you've spotted some warts, a trio of stray nasal hairs, and breathed into the reeking pit of halitosis that is your beloved's mouth. When you can look past all that and lay down every night next to that person, maybe even make sweet, sweet love, that's when you get to call it love. Anyway, with those warts, maybe your team, say, failed to reach the post-season one season and then didn't look a whole lot like clearing a lower bar to reach the post-season for much of the following season...stop me if you've heard this somewhere before...

Timbers fans all know what comes next: Portland's players bouncing like sugar-high toddlers in a big bouncy-house (or stadium) in central Ohio with fireworks shooting skyward behind them. They weren't alone, of course, not with 2,000 – 3,000 of friends bouncing right along with them. Meanwhile (roughly) 2,000 miles west, tens of thousands of Portlanders spilled out of bars and other ad hoc venues (e.g. the Crystal Ballroom and Revolution Hall) to raise their voices to the clouded heavens. I sang with some people for a while. And it was good. When Timbers fans stumbled out of the bar across the street, we sang at them a while. And that was good, too. Everyone looked very happy. Social media feeds rattled with disbelief and elation. The best description here is Hemingway-esque: it was good.

As I walked away from the bar that afternoon, hints of that old 1997 boredom followed me all the way to the train and rode with me over that long trip home. All I could think was, why don't I feel as excited as everyone else looked? Did it have something to do with the game?

Columbus Crew v. Portland Timbers: MLS Cup Primer, Enemy Edition

Shh...he's trying not to hear me, so's as not to worry.

I had more research time planned – tonight was to be the day to go deep on the Portland Timbers – but with work buzzing like an angry hive all week, and me spending more time than usual in the office, something had to give. Work pays the bills, this doesn’t, etc. (In its defense, my job benefits include daily reminders of my own, and humanity’s general insignificance. Keeps me grounded...)

Then again, I know these guys, the Timbers. Gods know I’ve spent enough time staring at them, writing about them, and talking about them over drinks. Then there are those spare hours spent spying from the bushes into the Nagbes’ kitchen, the days laying beneath Liam Ridgewell’s deck, listening to him contemplate life, soccer, and Lake Oswego (the lake, mind, not the town, which he does not care for), or the hidey-holes I have in Rodney Wallace’s walk-in closet and Diego Chara’s pantry. Close observation, people: it’s our specialty here at Conifers & Citrus. (What? Disclaimer? We don’t have a legal department, Randall.)

I did a couple mini-games tonight, and fond memories, including last weekend’s massive draw against FC Dallas and the September 26 win over Columbus Crew SC – and, crucially, in Columbus. Such a lovely trip down Memory Lane…more on that later, obviously...

As for Columbus Crew SC, the Timbers’ opponent in MLS Cup 2015…wait, again, HOLY SHIT!! Even with several friends making the pilgrimage to one of the Holy Places of American Soccer, my head’s only two-thirds of the way around this particular reality. Bear with me.

I didn’t have the time I wanted for Columbus, either (I worked late last night, Judy; you saw, you were here…yes, ice cream when I’m done typing.), but I did manage to take a long (90+) minute look at their MLS-Cup clinching win over the New York Red Bulls, plus the three preceding mini-games (just...look it up if you don’t know; there’s a lot below) I feel like I got a fair amount out of all of that – I’m sick to death of the color green right now, if nothing else (e.g. soccer field color) – but I’ve got what I’ve got and, uh, here it is . (I know, Judy; sell myself; I remember the self-confidence seminar…I am affirming every day. OK, most days. The offseason, Judy; I’ll get better then.) Firstly...