Minnesota United FC 4-4 Portland Timbers: Rose-Colored Shades, Baby....

Yes, and that sunset.

Despite its loin-stirring grandiosity, I have no grand analysis to share about the Portland Timbers 4-4 road brawl early today at Minnesota United FC. I mean, what’s there to say about a demolition derby besides “a bunch of shit ran into another bunch of shit”? And yet I, like nature, find a way...

To answer the obvious question – i.e., did I lose faith? – of course I did. What other response can one have to seeing your team’s defense take two wet shits on an already-soiled mattress? Apologies for the crudeness of the metaphor – and I hope the sub-text that Minnesota’s first goal didn’t bother me nearly as much as the other two – but I started the outline of another yes-I-am-nervous post immediately after the halftime whistle blew. Also, as evidenced by a tweet floated into public domain early in the second half (see my game thread), I didn’t feel much better until Sebastian Blanco scored his second goal of the match – from open play too – which brings me to the only real take-away I have from this game.

Nothing has my bowels bounded up all season like the Timbers inability to score. Given that, seeing them score four goals – and seeing Blanco, of all the players on the roster, come alive? – there’s nothing to call both things but what I’ve been waiting for since First Kick and and/or that live-broadcast de-pantsing of Sporting Kansas City earlier in the season. Having that to look at helps me look past all kinds of flaws, which helped because Portland had plenty tonight. That said, and on a very fundamental level, all it takes for me to believe the Timbers can go somewhere in any given season is a reliable path to goal. And, if I’m being honest, a semi-reliable path to goal carries me a couple steps closer to interested. Now come the caveats. Because of course I have caveats.

Only two observations from my preview post for this game came through: 1) that the Loons, much like the Timbers, are at their best on the break, and 2) that they haven’t been all the way present lately. I didn’t expect the latter to come good as early as it did, but that paled against Minnesota’s defensive collapse over the first 20 minutes of the second half. Few soccer-writing cliches get the ready pass that “a tale of two halves” gets, but I don’t know that anyone has adequately explained the why/how the fuck of a team dominating one half (as Minnesota did in the first half) and then nodding off in a way that would make Sleeping Beauty say, “damn” in the second. How does that switch go off, and is there someone we can pay to make that happen in every Timbers game that happens between now and the end of my life and/or when I lose interest?

If I haven’t addressed Portland’s first goal in the game, put that down to me thinking it’s not replicable – i.e., I’ve seen teams hit some version of that ball thousands of times and the ball usually turns over before it leads to the succession of equally unlikely events that led to the goal. Moreover, calling that lucky felt more and more apt with every goal Minnesota scored after it. To finally link to them, now that I look at it, their second goal feels more like the Timbers getting caught by surprise than a fuck-up now, but the third capped a small crowd of chances that came before. By that I mean, the 3-1 halftime score felt like a terminal diagnosis for a reason.

And then Blanco, an erstwhile talisman who has struggled more than he’s thrived in 2022, capped off the kind of attacking move the Timbers should strive to replicate for the rest of the season – e.g., they actually moved the ball fast enough and used the space they had to unbalance a defense, as opposed playing “hot potato” on all sides of their opponent's 18 until the potato falls to the ground as they so often do. They followed that up with a period of pressure that put Minnesota deep enough into the back foot that they started swiping at too many things. Jaroslaw Niezgoda buried the equalizer off one of the ensuing freekicks and, to be totally candid, I still get surprised every time he scores a goal and in a way that stopped making sense 3-4 goals ago, but here we are. And that brings this summary to this game’s defining moment.

We all know what happened. #DemocracyDiesInDarkness.

I, like you, saw Kamar Lawrence’s slight deflection flummox Dane St. Clair to a point that caused him to misjudge Blanco’s near-post shot that led to the Timbers’ second go-ahead goal of the game. I, perhaps unlike you, will call this the first hat-trick for a Portland Timbers player in the Major League Soccer era until the day that I die. I also don’t think that’s such a strange version of the history to hold onto. Keep your own counsel – in all seriousness, there is a vast and growing universe of things that should concern you more – but, as I see it, Blanco shot the ball, St. Clair bobbled a save even he felt he should have grabbed (see, his body language), and damn the technicalities thereafter because they tell the wrong story. As someone who has both seen and caused his share of own-goals (I got three, you?), what Lawrence did doesn’t clear my personal bar.

In any event, the second half of Amarilla’s semi-fortunate brace canceled Blanco’s hat-trick and, again, I don’t think anyone would deny that Portland got more than a little lucky for not being 1-4 down going into the half: Bongokuhle Hlongwane had two great shots, and on either side of the Loons’ first-half goals (might be in here, but who knows? I don't run these things), but that was neither the alpha nor the omega of Minnesota’s threat in the first half. They had every chance to run away with this game, basically, and, in a rational universe, they would have.

Meanwhile, back in the universe we can see, touch, and in which we can feel both elation and mild disappointment, the Timbers suddenly seem to have that little bit of mojo they’ve missed for the first two-thirds of 2022. I saw the same clusterfuck in the defense everyone else did, but neither that nor the way Minnesota has been their own worst enemy (even when not fatal to their cause) erases the fact that the Timbers poached two points from a direct rival in a game they had multiple reasons to lose, on top of picking up a point of their own.

By way of wrapping up, if I had to give a take-away for each team in this game, those would be:

1) Minnesota needs to develop a real killer instinct; and
2) this result has finally convinced me that Portland has turned a corner and, if they fuck this up, so help me.

Now, let’s ride it out on some stray shit.

Robin Lod Is Impressive
Despite having played his deep-lying role well enough every time I watched him, I still saw Lod as a potential handicap, even with (the oft-frustrated) Kerven Arriaga back in Minnesota’s line-up. I also have to admit I was wrong. His limitations (e.g., ball-watching) came to the fore on Blanco’s second goal, but Lod made his share of solid, battling tackles to convince me that the Loons may have a secret weapon on their hands.

Portland’s M(en)otM
I’d go with...basically no one on the defensive side and Santiago Moreno on the attacking side. Blanco got the goals – and I loved seeing him take shots from range, because this team needs that – but Moreno has well and truly grown as an attacking threat for this team. If they can get all of the gang on the field – Eryk Williamson mostly, but I’m quietly giddy about the mix-‘n’-match Portland has at the moment – and so long as at least two players figure out how to get goal-dangerous, the Timbers have a real chance of going deep...if with a little more cover from the defense.

An Low-Key Encouraging Sign
Tonight, the Timbers did something I haven’t seen them do nearly enough all season: play the ball up the gut and see what happens. That’s generally a high-risk, low-reward/devastating turnover proposition, but I also believe that’s something any team aspiring to go anywhere has to master. If I had to name the one thing that makes me most optimistic about this game – and, because it came against Minnesota, on the road, it goes double – that would be it.

Bottom line, if the Timbers can get the attack reliably going, they have a shot...if with the defense not getting the vapors more than once or twice a game. Till the next one.......but don’t let that keep you from savoring this one. I haven’t had this much fun with my pants on in ages.