Minnesota United FC 4-1 Portland Timbers: Bye-Bye Scarecrow, Bye-Bye Tin Man

And on and on until you (or the Timbers) die.

Like a car peeling off one tire after the other over 90 slow, aching minutes. As if a car could do a strip-tease before catching fire and careening into literally the nearest ditch.

The Portland Timbers utterly surrendered against Minnesota United FC tonight, and in the finest literary tradition: slowly, then all at once. The game ended 1-4 and, for all we know, started there in the right cosmological universe. All I know is that, once the game took a turn around the 35th minute, it kept driving in the same direction as if no barriers, be they natural or man-made, stood to stop it. Like every left turn in the Dakotas and every bit as God-forsaken.

To make one thing clear from the start, the Timbers never looked like winning this game. Tripping their aimless, collective way to a tie, maybe, but winning it? A team can’t score a goal until it can move the ball in some general direction thereto – a shared activity miles beyond the capacities of this forced experiment of a Timbers line-up. And I’ll pick that apart later...

It was possible to believe in that knees-knockin’ tie until sometime shortly after the 35th minute. After as many minutes of probing what they perceived as Portland’s weaknesses – a lot of it through Bongokuhle Hlongwane and toward Larrys Mabiala - Minnesota started pressing in earnest, throwing numbers forward and putting the Timbers defense under sustained pressure. To echo the popular cliche, Minnesota’s first goal was coming before well Portland’s Diego Chara clipped it into the net at the 43rd minute. Both my brain and heart checked out (so that’s...the Scarecrow and the Tin Man) after Emanuel Reynoso slipped what will go down as one of the more disputed olimpicos you will ever see at the (first half) 49th minute. And, to lay my cards on the table, I am Team Olimpico. The ball was curling in before Aljaz Ivacic punched it into the goal instead of away from it.

That was 0-2 to Portland going into the half and, whatever you were doing (you crazy ding-dong), I gave up by then.

To prove I’m no heartless bastard, yeah, the Timbers clawed back at least one goal. As much as anything else, Franck Boli proved he can score a goal if someone can tee him up right; this goal looked like Boli’s other best, cleanest shot of the season, one that came on the other side, and I don’t think that’s a mistake...and I’ll pick this apart later as well. At any rate, and whether you love it or dismiss it, Portland showed enough fight to bring the game to 1-2 and whispered “I’m not dead yet” loudly enough for the world to hear.

FC Dallas 1-1 Portland Timbers: Better.

Dallas translated through bowling.

After a season that has started with what can only be called incompetence – which, at times came in the flaming variety - it felt pretty damn good to see the Portland Timbers achieve the opposite in yesterday’s 1-1 draw at FC Dallas.

Over the Timbers’ first five games of the season, I had to dig at least shoulder-deep into the barrel to pick out good performances. Zac McGraw’s name has come up in most games – take a bow, young man – Dario Zuparic almost as much, but the list has generally been short, allergic to padding and concentrated in the defense. The larger problems, not to mention the outright failures, have come at the collective level – i.e., players, even league legends (see, Chara, Diego) looking shaky playing the ball forward and an attack grabasstic up to the point of mutual incomprehensibility. Hope walked lightly on the land, in other words; outside of a couple promising starts that only felt more heartbreaking by promising more, her feet may have never even touched the ground.

Weighed against such a lowly level, the Timbers knocked it out of the park in Dallas yesterday. Without declaring this draw an actual turn-around, and with a full acknowledgement of the final score duly acknowledged, I’m content to call Portland’s first (more or less) quality game of 2023 a kind of win.

For all that, Dallas tends to offer a shifting yardstick. I noted in the preview that people rarely rate them as a contender and games like this get at why. They struggle to string together good results, which means they struggle to generate real, season-shaping momentum. Now, had Jesus Jimenez not strayed offside, thereby cancelling out the insurance goal/tap-in that Alan Velasco scored almost immediately after Dallas went ahead after Facundo Quignon made good on three minutes of pressure and as many corner kicks in the 74th, I feel confident saying that Portland would have been, in fact, fucked. So, yeah, Portland caught a break or two. Moreover, there was more than a little but for the divine (delighfully pissy) grace of Aljaz “All the Jazz” Ivacic, because the Timbers’ defense gave Dallas several cracks at both go-ahead and insurance goals...and gods only know why Portland would start anyone but Ivacic anytime he’s available at this point. If you haven’t seen some of his saves, do yourself some good and make your heart a little bigger by dipping into the highlights from this one.

Portland Timbers 2022 Review, aka, The Malaise Post

Aren't we all her? Only with beer?

I’m going to front-load the scandals that stalked the Portland Timbers/Thorns organization until it forced them to make the same choice they should have made half a decade prior. Nice as it felt to see Gavin Wilkinson and Mike Golub get their long-overdue comeuppance for years worth of cowardice and asshole-ism (respectively?), the muleheaded determination to let the wounds fester until something like the third investigation called sepsis by its name did what those things do: kill the host. Honestly, to persist in something that willfully destructive boggles the mind.

Fucking morons...

Now, had things worked out on the field for the Timbers the same way they did for, say, the Thorns, I wouldn’t be sitting here in this cardigan gearing up to bum you out. But, goddamn, if light brown and mustard yellow aren’t my colors...

Bluntly, I am excited about exactly one player on the Portland Timbers current roster: Santiago Moreno. That doesn’t mean I neither rate nor like anyone else: for all its issues, I don’t see a need to burn it all down and start from scratch (which wouldn’t work in any case); moreover, I’m open to the argument they under-performed this year. Going the other way, I lean toward thinking they didn’t – or, perhaps more accurately, they played to the level of available personnel. Staying healthy matters to any team, obviously, but the Timbers have operated on a late-stage Jenga level for longer than I like. And if losing one piece, or even two, means the whole thing comes down? Well, that’s when you know you’re doing something wrong.

The key missing piece was Felipe Mora. Portland’s transition game relied on his implausible knack (because fucker’s short) for receiving the first pass into the opposition’s defensive third and finding a good, and ideally unsettling, pass before defenses could clutter up the space. The Timbers attack could rarely break down a compacted defense even with Mora on the field, but the ball movement in the attacking third mingled buck-passing (take. or. take. a. fucking. shot. god. dammit.) with a sensation not unlike despair for much of 2022. A guy who pops into the twitter feed with the occasional comment argues that Gio Savarese organizes the attack to work for tap-ins. I think he’s sold me on that argument at this point. Even if he hasn’t sold me on his particular solution – i.e., build the team around speed – agreeing that something ain’t working is the first step to doing something different. Which, here, means anything.

Austin FC 1-2 Portland Timbers: A Passive-Aggressive Masterpiece

That was exactly the kind of win the Portland Timbers needed. I’ll elaborate below, but, between a late start tonight and a long commute tomorrow, I’ve got to keep this brief.

Big Picture: The Timbers attacks is...what it is this season (again, see below) and, barring a change I can’t see no matter how hard I squint, that makes the Timbers defense the key to whatever success they’ll enjoy. And the defense – writ pretty damn large, too (see below) – did a great, game-winning job tonight.

If the Timbers can follow the same script for the rest of 2022 – and this goes double given some of what’s happening above them (emphasis on “some”) – they could actually do something with a 2022 that looked poised to die out like the fire you stare at on a cold night when the tent seems too far away and the whiskey looks up for outlasting the fire. You know what that means if you’ve been there...

All that’s to say, the Timbers punched three points out of Austin FC tonight on a 2-1 win delivered, as I both see it and want to see it, by the defense. It took surviving, golly, three, four shots in the opening 10 minutes - by my count, Aljaz Ivacic, made three of his four saves three in that stretch – but it also took just one sharp, early punch to the jaw to discomfit Austin for most of the game. Bill Tuiloma delivered the blow shortly after Austin’s better moments, and with a defender’s attacking header on a set-piece that Eryk Williamson sent straight to his head, postage-paid and all. It was simple as you like, not to mention the first positive thing Portland had managed all game that wasn’t a save, but it gave the Timbers a lead and...

My main talking point for the game, or the continuation of it, is complicated. After Tuiloma’s go-ahead goal, the Timbers commenced to defending the lead and, honestly, I don’t know what to call what I saw but not so much pressing as loitering with intent on the edges of a melting line of engagement. I need to tighten up the name of the strategy, obviously, but it boils down to having a defensive player vaguely menace the opposition starting around 2/3 of the field away from goal. Sure, the Timbers had a couple moments where they did the classic press – i.e., players chasing hard at each successive passer (a great strategy when you time the releases right) – but, for the most part, it amounted to being...present as Austin tried to work the ball up the field. Time on the ball, but not enough, making every pass just a little harder, demanding that little bit more precision. Better, just when you thought you broke the line, it retreats and forces you to do it all over again. There’s something quietly brilliant in the concept, like guerilla warfare in soccer form.

Toronto FC 3-1 Portland Timbers: Unbalanced, Undone

Jaroslaw Niezgoda says "Hi."

I’ll start with a confession: I didn’t get the usual granular [ed. - what? listen to yourself, man!] read on the Portland Timbers in their 1-3 loss at Toronto FC because I was catching up with an old friend (#WorthIt). Still, I think I saw enough to state that things did not go well, and with some confidence. Anyone who disagrees may speak now or forever hold your........no takers, eh? Small surprise. The box score reduces that reality into numerical values, none of them good; I remember seeing the shots distributed at 7 shots to 0 sometime during the first half and hoping that improved in some way...but nope. Jaroslaw Niezgoda sends his regards from the remote desert island you can see on Portland’s passing map....

As argued in every preview-esque thing I tweeted going into this game, I expected a track meet in this one – i.e., two defensively-impoverished teams trading blows from the starting whistle to the one that called it a night. What we got instead was a Toronto team probing the Timbers defensive flaws like a dermatologist determined to eradicate acne and Portland playing the role of the face on which said “doctor of science” operates. The defense failed to get their lines right and to a point that left little pockets that Toronto’s freshly-arrived European contingent to exploit in a deeply uncomfortable way. And did they ever...

I didn’t mind that so much – I expected it, in fact, based on a review of the short footage Lorenzo Insigne provided after his arrival – but still felt some optimism that the Timbers would make Toronto’s heretofore shaky defense sweat just as much as Portland’s....but it was not to be, not in 90 minutes and probably not 180. My frustration with the Timbers attack has by now been thoroughly documented and explained in as many ways as I can think of it (I like to keep things fresh), but that did not prepare me for what we all witnessed tonight – aka, as close as a team can get to a no-show after stepping on the field. Flawed as the Timbers attack has been this season, I don’t think it ever slumped to something as helpless as three shots total, with just two on goal.

Thankfully(?), one of those two shots on goal went in. Moreover, it went in off the foot least likely to do anything useful – aka, Josecarlos Van Rankin’s – and, Timbers fans, can we all just take a quick breath and savor the only thing that went right tonight? Portland made at least two smart attacking moves tonight, both delivered by (what else?) quick decisive moves into/across Toronto’s 18 and both ending in shots on goal. Sure, Yimmi Chara fired straight at Alex Bono’s right shin, but the move was there, even if Yimmi wasn’t all the way. Going the other way, can a team win a playoffs-worthy number of games when creating just two good attacking moves? It depends on the quality of the defense behind them, obviously, and that’s where the worm turns and the conversation shifts to all the things that went so terribly wrong tonight.

Portland Timbers 1-1 Nashville SC: That One, Necessary Step

Go on, ya little shit. Those stairs ain't gonna climb themselves.

I have more a string of notes than I do a coherent thought about that the Portland Timbers’ 1-1 home draw against Nashville SC.

First, Nashville scored – and the Timbers really do need to clean-up the set-piece defending; swear to God I saw Larrys Mabiala lean in for a power-header and miss it clean – then, the Timbers came back, and on the same kind of goal I picture when you hear someone use the word “patient” when describing an attacking build-up. Turns out the line between forcing it and dicking around is a thin one.

And, as much as anything else, the Timbers have gotten better about getting on the right side of that line lately – and the numbers back this up; Portland has averaged 2.0 goals/game over their past ten games, and haven’t been shut out once – aka, the same period that has me feeling better about their chances.

Again, there’s not a lot to analyze about this game. Both teams did a lot better over a first half that happily coincided with a time when both teams played with some combination of thinking they could win the game and knowing they have to start getting wins. It wasn’t until 70 minutes into the game that I realized I had nothing to say about how either midfield defended, and it wasn’t until the 75th that I realized that had everything to do with the fact that both teams focused more on attacking than stopping the other team from doing the same.

The sub-text that runs over the paragraph above is that Nashville started stepping to the ball and higher up the field. Portland hadn’t been great on the ball all game (a concern!), but Nashville forced a succession of turnovers early in the second half and that knocked Portland on their heels, and I don’t think the Timbers got back on the front foot at any point thereafter. Actually, take that back: they found it twice in the game’s dying minutes, first with Jaroslaw Niezgoda hitting a ball a mere 5 km below needed velocity, and then Nathan Fogaca (more on him later) not quite getting around his breakaway just a couple minutes later.

The Timbers had two late, great shots at a winner, but they only had those shots because Aljaz Ivacic made at least “that’s my guy,” saves (plus at least one weird one). You can sum up the game a couple ways.

Portland Timbers 2-1 San Jose Earthquakes: Dairon = Rocky

Eye of the Tiger. Also, wrong movie.

At some long-forgotten point during my long career of amateur commentating soccer career, I had an over-fondness for boxing metaphors. With that, let’s dip into the ol’ well once more...

Everyone who has seen even one Rocky movie knows one thing: the more often he gets punched in the head/face area, the better he fights. It might have happened in one movie, it might have happened in all of them, but I distinctly remember a sequence (or five) where Rocky barked something like “is that all you got? hit me harder” (think he said that to both Clubber Lang and Drako), and, as Rocky’s corner started to panic (though not Burgess Meredith, he died during Rocky II, I think), Pauly always said, “no, no, he’s getting madder,” or something like that. And that's how Rocky won the Cold War.

Rocky got punched in the head a whole bunch of fucking times tonight – the official stats counted seven times on target – and All That Jazz Ivacic parried them all away, one of them at dead-cert equalizer by the most active/dangerous player in the San Jose Earthquakes’ line-up, Cristian Espinoza (who, honestly, should take a bow; helluva game, sir; also, The Mothership stiffed us on stand-alone clips, but the highlights would be derelict if they didn't have a few of Ivacic's finest). That “hair-of-their-chinny-chin-chin” madness was more feature the bug in the Portland Timbers 2-1 win over San Jose. And, seeing that I begged for a win, I’m not going to scrutinize it overly...despite this being the same San Jose team I semi-officially wrote off (if halfway) in something I posted just this past Friday, and despite a record of failure that goes back to 1980-fucking-2, aka, when I was a bone-thin knee-high instead of the corpulent gentleman I’ve grown into today...

...deep breath...because that’s all I take these days. And, holy shit, where to begin?

As noted early in my game-thread for the match, San Jose came out nearly as hungry as Dairon Asprilla. After an opening 10 minutes where the teams seemed to punch even, San Jose clawed their way to higher ground and, for too much of the first half, tilted the field toward the Timbers goal. My sparse notes for the first half included phrases like, “SJ clearly not intimidated” and “POR D posture a bit low early,” and I feel like both of those held up pretty well. Whatever anyone thought of each of them, a succession of yellow cards to Portland players – Josecarlos Van Rankin (39th minute/deserved); Yimmi Chara (40th minute/richly-deserved) and Claudio Bravo (41; full disclosure, I didn’t see that one, so I’m not judging its validity) – pinpoints the moment of peak out-of-fucking-control for the Timbers. I think San Jose scored off the free-kick Bravo handed them (don’t honestly recall what I was doing), but, again, who set up the goal that bobbled its way to where Benjamin Kikanovic had nothing to do but stab it into an empty goal? Yep, Espinoza. Related, Ivacic deserved better from that bobble...

Portland Timbers 1-1 Vancouver Whitecaps: Plan Fucking A, Forever and Always

Portland's attacking tactics, a visual.

I’ll start with two thoughts. First, the fan-base grumpiness about this result, if just in my corner of twitter, is top-notch. Second, I’ve typed some version of “this won’t take long” 400+ times, but I’m pretty damn confident that the sum of what I just watched will help me deliver on that promise.

The Portland Timbers 1-1 home draw against the Vancouver Whitecaps fulfilled every expectation/failure laid out in my preview, if with the lonely exception that Vancouver pressed a bit around the 20th minute of the first half. Otherwise, that now-cursed thing functioned as a script, only absent the inspiration. Vancouver lined up the way I expected them to, they mostly defended as expected, they got a goal off a cross to the back-post (if the opposite of the one I expected; also, the failure was decidedly complex); the Timbers attack, meanwhile, did everything I hoped they wouldn’t, as in they literally checked every goddamn box. And that, ladies and gents, is the alpha, the omega, and the answer to every question except why this game didn’t end 1-0 in Vancouver’s favor.

To stick up for the kids who get a gold star for today, I thought Santiago Moreno, Larrys Mabiala, Aljaz Ivacic, and Claudio Bravo all had decent games – if mainly on the attacking side in Bravo’s case, and the man clearly has a day-job to which he does not always attend. I’m willing to give honorable mention to Dario Zuparic and Diego Chara generally, Cristhian Paredes here and there, and Yimmi Chara early in the game, but, collectively, that was 90-minutes of muscles twitching to pulses of electricity delivered with all the subtlety of a 12-year-old mashing buttons on Mortal Combat. Both teams made chances out of their moments of coherence – and, loathe as I am to say it, though the stats do back it up a bit (see shots on goal), Vancouver managed more than the Timbers – but that game delivered a bounty of bad soccer on all sides of those moments. Felt like watching MLS in the 2000s, and in all the wrong ways.

To his credit, Ivacic cleaned up most of the messes Portland’s defense left him – most critically, his two early saves in the first half – but the Timbers defense had a generally respectable night. For the...how many games have the Timbers played so far? 21? – call it the 11th time this season (this includes every game the Timbers allowed one or fewer goals), Portland’s defense did enough. And so, for the...huh, 13th time this season, I’ll close this very short post with a rant about the Timbers “attack.”

Portland Timbers Preview: On Fears of Getting Run Over

We all need a hero...

Red Bull New York has yet to win at home in the 2022 season. that’s the cheeriest thought I have to pass on about the Portland Timbers’ trip to Harrison, New Jersey this weekend.

The buzz from Yimmi Chara’s back-to-back bicycle-kick goals wore off weeks ago, leaving Portland’s fans sipping stale coffee in the hopes that, if nothing else, they can stay awake until the Timbers do. The Timbers’ goals-for number stalled just over three games ago (is it possible for that number to go down?) - think the exact number is 282 minutes plus stoppage time - and I’m imagineering like a motherfucker, but still can’t picture how that changes against a Red Bulls team that, assuming they play as they normally do, will press every passer for large stretches of this game. On the plus side, Josecarlos Van Rankin is suspended for this one.

He's the most draining culprit, of course, but not many Timbers have looked like a realist’s picture of composure for several weeks. I can see any number of Portland players making a loose pass or failing to control the same, and turnovers like that will put the Red Bulls between two and five passes from scoring. The Red Bulls have scored reliably this season - they’ve only been kept off the board twice so far (again, both games at home). Just one more note on this: as with their pressing, you don’t see the goal coming until they ball has already gone in. That’s to say, unless I’m very wrong about how this game will play out, Portland’s Aljaz Ivacic will need to come alert and limber for this one.

The only break I really see Portland catching: the theoretical possibility that they’ll be able to transition against the Red Bulls gegen-press (against v gegen?). The Red Bulls do throw numbers into their press, something that should help the Timbers get vertical; going the other way, their press has looked super well-organized in all the investigative safaris I’ve undertaken - and I’ve got a second on that perception from the broadcast both more than once. Add a couple steady backstops (e.g., Aaron Long and Sean Nealis), a pair of herding-dog maniacs in front of them (e.g., Christian Casseres, Jr. and Frank Amaya, most of the time), and you’re left waiting for Carlos Coronel to bail you out with something stupid. Bottom line, Red Bull has been for any team to play through - they’ve given up just seven goals so far (average = 0.78 goals per game) - and that doesn’t pair so good with…you know.

Houston Dynamo FC 0-0 Portland Timbers: A Lotta Nope & Homework for Gio

This, only even more dandy.

Wow. That one just kind of sat there, didn’t it? A couple things happened now and again to make you think the game might open up, or at least kick out of neutral. Nope.

Houston Dynamo FC hosted yesterday’s goal-less draw versus the Portland Timbers and, yeah, the whole thing felt the same as two dudes squaring off for a fight, both of them announcing loudly “I don’t throw the first punch, bro.” At most, you can think of moments like Josecarlos Van Rankin’s no-look near-assist to Darwin Quintero as one of those dudes getting shoved and, say, falling backwards over a garbage can. He gets up, none the worse for the wear but some wet spots on the seat of his pants, while his wiser friend (Aljaz Ivacic) helps him up and away from the scene, without further embarrassment or potential pain, announcing over this shoulder, “let it go, man. He's not worth it.”

And I think that’s all I can get out of that metaphor.

The Timbers handed Houston at least one more breakthrough - courtesy of Quintero and Fafa Picault combining to break a high offside trap - but Ivacic bailed out Portland again. The Timbers’ new No. 1 pulled their asses out of the fire again in the 2nd half - and all those saves are lovingly documented in the highlights (which helped recall who did what on the morning after) - so you kept waiting for the rest of the team to do something with the pocket money he gave them. To their credit, Portland created their best chances during spells of attacking pressure, periods when they’d seemed to make the conscious, collective decision to get players forward to see if they can’t buy the go-ahead goal. Cristhian Paredes fired the best shot I can remember - and from a good if crowded spot - and I noted some better-than-half chances for each of Bill Tuiloma, Yimmi Chara, Marvin Loria, and a largely aimless Jaroslaw Niezgoda (hold that thought), but whether by lunging (Bill), or kicking more dirty that clean. Nope.

Both teams subbed in players of interest over the second half - for Houston, Corey Baird for Tyler Pasher (who let Portland’s Claudio Bravo catch up to his best moment), Zeca for Griffin Dorsey, and Thorleifur (is Thor a nickname?) Ulfarsson for a largely aimless Sebastian Ferreira; for Portland Dairon Asprilla for Niezgoda, David Ayala for…Paredes, Loria for Santiago Moreno…good Lord, why did I start this section, then, later Eryk Williamson for Sebastian Blanco - and, again, nearly all those changes made you hope ‘n’ wonder that each move might get the same unstuck. Nope.

When Houston’s Teenage Hadebe got chucked for his second yellow at the 75th minute, I couldn’t have been alone in thinking that, surely, this momentous decision will finally deliver the moment this game has waited on for…75 minutes. Yeah, no, didn’t happen.

Vancouver Whitecaps 2-3 Portland Timbers: No, Thank You. No, Really.

Happy to have it, disturbed I needed it.

Sweet Jesus. Feels like you need a chart with an interpretive guide with an addendum to read that one. On the plus side, the Portland Timbers picked up their second handful of three points in 2022 with a 3-2 win at the Vancouver Whitecaps. On the down side, Vancouver looks as shitty as their record - i.e., 1-4-1, but for the San Jose Earthquakes, etc. To nudge the cold, hard facts back toward a positive direction, Portland grabbed those three points on the road, never a bad thing. But let’s dig deeper

First and foremost, I’d argue Portland looked the better team throughout - can I get a “thank God” on that, HA-llelujah! - and I’d be stunned if the numbers don’t back that up. Checking………okeh, let’s take a step back and define “better,” because maybe there’s a language barrier here, or maybe I’m just not vibing with the data-dorks at MLSSoccer.com, but they’re saying most of differently, so maybe it’s time to take another step back to look at all this from a greater distance.

What went right for the Whitecaps today?

I thought Ryan Gauld looked all right, or he looked like what I remembered at least - e.g., hyper-active (in a good way), eager to combine and make things happen. He kept Timbers defenders and midfielders chasing all over the place, drew one penalty and came close to drawing a couple others - something I can’t stress that enough given Silvio Petrescu’s beer-googled evening of refereeing (i.e., the VAR was busy). I also thought Russell Teibert played a strong game, too, and in the same kind of omni-present way. Finally, above and beyond terrorizing Josecarlos Van Rankin for most of the night, Cristian Dajome scored a peach of a goal off a collective mental slip by Portland’s left side. Still, I’m not sure I’d call what I watched a two-goal performance by Vancouver; they scored their second goal on their second penalty kick - and on a call I wouldn't have made, fwiw - and it’s hard not to score one when you get two free cracks from 12 yards out. Petrescu/the Timbers D handed them some padding, in other words. Now, about the Timbers' performance...

It left me more happy than frustrated, for one, but it’s complicated from there. Marvin Loria found space down the left for as long as he played and, sure, give the man credit for the cutting inside to create the penalty kick that put Portland ahead (and on one helluva kick by Dairon Asprilla), but I’d also argue Loria killed more plays than he helped along over the course. And I think that makes Loria the perfect talisman for this win. Only a couple Timbers played a solid 90 (or less, depending) - fwiw, I’d put Bill Tuiloma, Diego Chara, Cristhian Paredes and, at long last, Aljaz Ivacic in that group - but just about every player had a moment or two when he did something a little better than. For instance, Asprilla didn't have a bad night - e.g., he stretched the field nicely and did some stout hold-up work - but it didn't add up to much besides a lot of running around. Until, that is, his moment when it arrived (aka, the penalty kick). He capped it off with a lovely gesture to a grieving Zac McGraw…just, all the emojis, guys, except maybe the poo and the fruit teenagers use as innuendos, and those moments exonerated whatever flaws marred Asprilla’s (et. al.’s) game and that gets to how the Timbers got a good result against a team that, so far, looks like it’s going to through some things instead of go anywhere in 2022.

Los Angeles FC 1-1 Portland Timbers: Poised on a Thread

Zac McGraw made me feel as safe as that tree tonight. Srsly.

But for a tap-in that only looked inevitable after it went in, the Portland Timbers would have left…whatever Los Angeles FC calls their home stadium 1-0 winners. Seeing as the exception has already been noted, yeah, LAFC scored a late equalizer - off a tap-in - and wound up with a 1-1 tie that feels…I’m going with complicated.

There was a lot to like in this game from Portland’s point of view. For one, they held a (fairly) front-footed, compact shape together for 90+ minutes today - and how often do Timbers fans get to say, “our defense won it for us today!” Portland’s one-man strategic reserve, Bill Tuiloma, played a role, as did Aljaz Ivacic - he looked confident today and made at least two beauty saves - but if Zac McGraw didn’t make at least one starter feel antsy tonight, they didn’t watch the game I did. Athletic, smooth, but smart more than anything else: Gio appeared to have tasked McGraw with putting out fires before they could ignite and the man got his Smokey Bear on straight.

Claudio Bravo looked super-sharp, at least until he took a dumb-shit tug on LAFC's Cristian Arango and got sent off…Josecarlos Van Rankin, meanwhile...I don’t know what that guy can do to make me comfortable but, whatever it is, he has yet to start doing it. I tell you, the guy looks as nervous as I feel every time an attacking player squares him up.

The returns diminish as I tick through the names from there. There’s no taking away the divine improv-glory of Yimmi Chara’s blind-looper of a goal, but the game-state ran him down to where he couldn’t find a pass. That left Dairon Asprilla as the only viable outlet for about 65+ minutes, but he got lonelier and lonelier for as long as (most of) the starting unit stayed out there; he got some more chances to run after Sebastian Blanco came on for Jaroslaw Niezgoda (who had moments, but…), but even that only happened after LAFC stepped to the edge of all-in to find a goal. Back on the happy side of things, I thought Cristhian Paredes put in a solid shift (while still believing he got subbed just in time), and Diego Chara just keeps on keeping on and in a way that makes me questions all kinds of things. Elsewhere, I’m still wondering whether Santiago Moreno was on the field tonight, or whether he just sat down on the field now and again with a look on his face that said, “can you believe this shit?” out of contractual obligation.

If that feels like putting the cart before the horse, I apologize, but I’m mostly processing this game as an opportunity both unearned and blown. Let me explain…

San Jose Earthquakes 1-6 Portland Timbers: Margaritas and Grains of Salt

They work best together, yes?

A lot of teams come out with “high energy” - i.e., a plan to overwhelm the opposition with bodies and velocity - and one can weigh the question of how well it worked on any given night in minutes and momentum. The Portland Timbers announced their intentions tonight by letting every San Jose Earthquake player within checking distance know they showed up tonight; every ball was challenged, especially in the first 5 minutes or so.

It’s where things go after that shapes a game. A(n, as it turns out, 20 minute-)wilderness stretched between that 5th-minute domination and Portland’s first goal, which was scored via penalty by Living, Playing MLS-Legend Diego Valeri. The crucial detail comes with how that penalty kick came to be and why it presented as almost absurdly replicable template for the ultimately six-goal rout that the Timbers dropped on San Jose tonight. Yes, all right, I may be over-drawing the lines of the argument, but I also know and aver that my very own eyes saw a parade of Portland players break San Jose’s defense entirely with either a run or a pass to a run straight into the dazed heart of San Jose’s defense, something that any given professional athlete - for sake of argument, a professional soccer player, aka, someone who, in practical terms, convinced someone to pay them money to play a game (seriously, think about that for a minute) - should never be able to do by simply jogging straight up the middle of the field with the ball at his feet. San Jose has issues.

A thought follows from that: if cracking San Jose is complicated as guessing a “12345” password, what does your team’s rampant success really mean? If a bully asks a kid for his lunch money and he just hands it over, is the kid still a bully, or just a very persuasive speaker? [Ed. - I don't know quite know what I meant by that either.]

Overall, call me optimistic, while also binging on grains of salt. Onto the details…

The one thing I have to fault about the Timbers 6-1 study in several of San Jose’s collective short-comings tonight was the aggressively-passive choices Portland’s heavily-rotated defense made in allowing the ‘Quakes’ one goal on the night. Don’t get too bothered because that’s one goal surrendered…plus a barrage of chances nobly swatted away by, I’m saying it now, Slovenian royalty (Aljaz Ivacic crushed it tonight), but there was a moment when a Timbers defense almost let a team they’d drop two goals on, away and in the first half (here's the other one), back into the game. Momentum matters in soccer and that’s been a real buzzsaw for the Timbers lately. As such, it was fairly encouraging to see a make-shift defense - e.g., Marco Farfan, out of position at right back, plus real or alleged back-ups, Bill Tuiloma and Julio Cascante - hold up against any team in MLS, because that hasn't been a regular thing lately. And I mean that even as San Jose arguably started more of a B-Team than the Timbers.